England Deserve to Lose It All

There was a time where it was fun to root for England, namely when they went about toppling the unbeatable Australians in 2005. The underdogs beating the Aussies at their own game playing with aggressive swagger and style.  It was great.

But that was nearly a decade ago. The so called English dominance of test cricket, brief as it was, is going through a painfully slow death where they can no longer play Ishant Sharma.

And they absolutely deserve it.

lol

There is a difference between the once great Australia and the once "great" England.  Australia were ridiculously good and they knew it, they could field three cricket teams who could blow apart anybody that dared to turn up. One would scream out for those precious moments when another team actually got the better of them (the aforementioned Ashes 2005, a prime example).

The Australians were deliciously, unapologetically arrogant.
But they were *not* obnoxious, and here lies the crux of the problem.

Despite the likes of McGrath, Lee, Warne, Hayden hissing and spitting at you on the field while butchering your so-called cricket team, off the field these guys were actually some of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. They were the ultimate oxymoron. (Well, other than Warne who continues to be a muppet).

But England were different. It was the English who threw jelly beans on the pitch during a test match against India, who had players turning up to training too drunk to throw a ball, who got drunk during a world cup and capsized a boat. One Australian was similar and he got banned for it, Symonds never got the leniency Flintoff or KP got.

But England were winning, and Swann was the new Warne, Prior the new Gilchrist, and some had the audacity to believe that Cook would one day beat Tendulkar's test match centuries record. Oh the cheek of it.

When the going got tough... the Australians reflected humbly and admitted hitting the bottom.  They kept quiet, licked their wounds and bided their time. (Yes yes... other than Warne).

England's responses to the pressure in comparison has ranged from the cowardly to the ludicrous.
Lets look at the highlights:

The Top 5 English Prats:

KP the South African
Number five on the English hall of fame is none other than the polarising pillock himself. Playing only for himself, wrecking the dressing room and back stabbing his captain are among his favourite hobbies. Poor Andrew Strauss (idiotically, but truthfully) told the whole world what he thinks of KP, at least he gave us the refreshing reality. England might not be much good these days, but they're certainly better off without this guy.

Broad the Ghostbuster
The excuse for reaching all new levels of fail was a result of a haunted hotel room and being tormented by ghosts borrowing their bathroom sinks. No really.

Swann the Sprinkler
This goof was once (and probably still is) England's leading spinner. Wisely or not he decided to jump the sinking ship before his precious test averages took a real beating, like a true champion.

Also proud winner of the "Most Punchable Face" award

Anderson the Wet Blanket
Unlike your classic fast bowling spearhead, the once big talking and sledge flinging James Anderson was reduced to tears during a last minute loss to the Sri Lankans. This guy couldn't even get a word out during the post-match interview as he was struggling through his own sobbing. Sobbing!

Did you see Brett Lee and Kasprowicz bawling like babies when they famously lost the Edgbaston test with mere minutes to spare? Dejected yes, but they were not calling for the Wah-mbulance.


And our number one prize goes to...

Trott the Con
Faced against a reborn Mitchell Johnson, England's biggest loser trotted off home citing "stress related reasons". Which might have been acceptable if a) he didn't carry on like an unlikeable upstart previously and b) he had a real mental illness! He more or less admitted to faking it to get out, even his own Englishmen condemned this coward.



So In Conclusion....
I don't say this often but, go you mighty Indians go! Give the English a series defeat at home. Maybe they will go back to the dark day of the nineties, but at least they were gentlemen back then.

Why Australia Won the Ashes

Believe it or not, before this Ashes series began I predicted Australia to win comfortably.

It seemed ridiculous to most at the time and rightfully so, but here we are with Australia up three zip and the Ashes wrapped up and back on this side of the hemisphere in the shortest time frame possible.  I will admit I didn't predict such a comprehensive walloping, England are dead and buried and the old ghosts of the 90s are back. The English media have quickly forgotten that England were #1 not long ago.

Why would anyone back the Aussies? They had lost three Ashes in a row and were in complete disarray. Instead of playing good cricket they were busy failing their homework, giving Glenn Maxwell a test cap and punching Joe Root.

So how did things flip upside down?

© mirror.co.uk

The Last Ashes Were Close
Australia had the better of England for huge parts of the last Ashes despite being hounded with unkind rain gods, horrid umpiring and the existence of Phil Hughes.  If you look closer Australia nearly had the first test, and rain saved England twice... it wasn't that far away from being 3-2 to Australia, yet it reads as a 3-0 thrashing. Hindsight and luck of course, but 3-0 it was.

England were Good, Never Great
Australia were never knocked off their perch by a superior side, it was a kamikaze.  With the great Indian batting engine losing their reflexes with age, it was England and South Africa who were there to pick up the pieces.  South Africa is the superior of the two, but England benefited by not having to play them much and made the #1 ranking first.

They were never bad but they never touched the same heights Australia did during their pomp.  The likes of Cook, Trott, Prior and Anderson feasted on the highs and gave their averages a royal boost. But were the chips ever really down? Were they ever severely tested by a side? They are now.

Beware the Mongrel
Yes Australia fell off their own tree and smacked every branch on the way down. And once battered and bruised, they were kicked down, taunted and humiliated by everyone who cared to do so. Amla, Cook, Dhawan, you name it, they all had their glorified hour at sinking their teeth into Aussie flesh. It was more than a decade of hurt that was being paid back, and it was ugly.

Even New Zealand embarrassed them in their own backyard, the shame.

But did they go too far? Because the sleeping mongrel as been awakened.  Lets not forget they have a large pool of players and a very proud history and tradition. Australia never takes losing kindly and there is only so much shoving one can take before the wounded animal bites back.

© guardian.co.nz

Oh they're back, and they're hungry for more.

Darren Lehmann
There had to be catalyst to stir the pot and get the Aussies fizzing again, and a no nonsense and bloody minded *Australian* coach was the obvious answer. Enter Boof Lehmann.  Suddenly Australia have their mojo back, the battered Aussies have resurfaced and they let the world know all about it in Brisbane.  No more rotation policies, no more homework scandals, no more Phil Hughes, just 11 fired up angry blokes playing cricket.

But England had gotten so smug and unlikeable that the impossible finally happened, I *wanted* Australia to win. Its almost like the 2005 Ashes in reverse, the underdog is just so much more fascinating. Like democracy, one of these two cannot be in power too long before it starts to get infuriating. There has to be a balance.


And balance has been restored, for now.