If Cricketers Were Cartoon Characters

Thank you IPL, for grinding cricket down to a screeching halt.

This is the time of year where instead of the *real* game we have an exhibition of cricket ball abuse featuring teams tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum while us poor fans and purists have been forced to revisit our old highlights collections, banish cricinfo.com to the wilderness, and suffer severe writers block.

Devoid of inspiration, what must the dear old blogger resort to?

Trivia!

Some months ago there was an internet obsession with dopplegangers, or lookalikes. Unfortunately most of the time it was clutching on straws, heck people tell me I look like Jehan Mubarak, big deal. And truth be told human to human lookalikes are a tad boring, so we see the same person twice... we've seen twins before and not the Schwarzenegger-deVito kind either.

So instead I present to you, animated and cartoon contemporaries of famous (and not so famous) cricketers of recent times.

Ryan Sidebottom is Sideshow Bob
While one plotted to destroy Bart Simpson, the other plotted to destroy New Zealand batting line-ups.

  

Darren Lehmann is Shrek
The team even nick-named him Shrek, so everyone is in on this one.

 

Ross Taylor is Diddy Kong
Aw how cute (not you Ross).

 

Darren Sammy is Evil Majin Buu
Armed with the goal of world domination, though with slightly different methods.





James Franklin is Jon Arbuckle
The ultimate bland-face.

 


Scott Styris is Beaker
Its the upside-down mouth that does it?


 

And my personal favourite.

Shoaib Akthar is Gollum
The freaky eyes, the whispy hair... stumps or hobbit alike nobody can deny what is preciousss to them.

 



Care to add, agree or disagree?

Shoaib Akhtar Speaks (The Truth?)

Autobiographies really are something. It is a time when self important sporting celebrities get to wave their creative pencil and indulge themselves in a self-made ego trip. Most of them are ignored as they lack the creativity, or the writing skill, or are just plain boring outside of the game. Then you get the select few personalities who carry off interesting laughs and anecdotes and make the experience a pleasure to read.

And then there is Shoaib Akthar.

Anything less than borderline insanity from this man would have been a let down, and lo and behold he has delivered. When it comes to stirring up a storm in a tea cup, he is a natural. Unlike Afridi though, Shoaib is articulate, and his points dive into grey and debatable areas instead of being dismissed as tripe.

What did he have to say in the aptly titled "Controversially Yours"? Does he make a point or is he simply a bag of wind?

1. Sachin and Dravid Are Not Match Winners

In Dravid's case, total nonsense. He single handedly won games for India in both forms of the game and was often the last man standing amongst dominoes. To suggest that Dravid "didn't know the art of finishing the game" is nothing more than a cheap shot at the great man. Credibility 0/10.

Above the belt pelase. © Getty Images

In Sachin's case though, maybe he has a point. Sachin through the nineties was a frustrated lone figure who got nil support from his inept team mates. You can't fault him for being unable to do it all alone, everybody else were looking after their own pockets. The Sachin of the 00's was a different figure though, he finally had adequate batting backup and was allowed to pile up the runs carefully. Guilty of being a run glut, yes. Guilty of not winning matches, it can also be argued. He has far less Dravid's and Laxman's in his innings vault. Credibility 5/10.

2. Sachin Was Scared Of Him.

Rubbish. This is the guy who manfully fought Wasim & Waqar, Lee & McGrath, Ambrose & Walsh, Steve Bucknor... the list goes on. While not always coming off the winner of the battles, never ever backed down, be it 16 or 36 years old. Why should he be scared of Shoaib? Has he forgotten the 03 World Cup? Credibility 0/10.

3. The IPL Cheated Him

Believable, and he won't be the last. The IPL is built on a foundation of masses, greed and corruption. He joined a team run by an arrogant Bollywood star in a tournament run by an arrogant nobody Lalit Modi. With a set-up like that, it was inevitable. A paint job will only cover the cracks in a dam, soon this whole circus will be flooded by a crashing wave. Shoaib should have known better than to take part. Credibility 8/10.

4. Everyone Ball Tampers

Correction, Pakistan ball tampers. And no it shouldn't be legal, where do you draw the line, a maximum fingernail length in the ICC code of conduct? My only hope is that the pioneers of swing such as Imran aren't exposed to have resorted to dirty methods in the past, although I get the feeling it just may happen. Credibility 8/10.

Michael Jackson impersonations are perfectly legal though. © AFP

5. Shoaib Malik Shouldn't Have Been Captain

A stab at his own team mate? Only he would dare, but again he actually has a point here. Malik was an above average ODI batsman at best, with a shaky test career and a dodgy bowling action, with an eye for female tennis players. Why was he made captain? On paper it looks like a nothing decision, possibly influenced by those that favoured Malik. But in reality one must also consider that Pakistani teams were often unstable and a logical choice for captain was not always clear. Again debatable. Credibility 7/10.

6. He Was Humiliated

Shoaib didn't spare anyone, even lashing out at Wasim Akram and partially blaming him for not fulfilling his career to its potential. I'm not sure how big a part politics played, but they were certainly present as he was inexplicably robbed of a swansong finish against India in the World Cup semi final. It must be said though that despite whatever corruption and vendettas he may have had to face, he was an unlikeable and destructive person to begin with. Most of what we had to put up with was a result of his own actions and he has nobody to blame. Credibility 5/10.

Surprisingly all in all, the points Shoaib Akhtar made in his autobiography were not entirely a load of pies. While dealing out low blows to Indian batsman, he dealt to his former team mates and management with equal measure and venom. Will it have an impact? Probably not, Shoaib Akhtar lashing out is really about as credible as...

This. © Getty Images