England vs India - Series Review

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

No words necessary. © Getty Images

The Cricket Musings can be pretty pessimistic, but I don't think anybody on earth saw this coming. What transpired over the last month was a performance so pitiful and even the West Indies and Bangladesh would go home crying in shame. Make no mistake, it was nothing short of an atrocious performance with no excuses. One would even feel sorry for the Indians, if not for their overly smug and brash attitude (jealous are we?).

The Numbers Don't Lie:

• India were bowled out every single innings, that's 80 wickets lost. They made it to 300 once, their average score being 256.
• England only had to bat six times, and were only bowled out twice, and one of those was a total of 554. Their average score? A whopping 468 and that too with four declarations.
• Only Rahul Dravid managed more than 300 runs for India. He was nearly 200 runs shy of the next best in Tendulkar, and his series average 76.83 made him a man among toddlers.
• Only Praveen Kumar operated at a bowling average under 30, England had three.
• Of the ten centuries scored, three belonged to India, all Dravid. 
• The last time India was white-washed was 11 years ago in Australia. 

And don't forget those were the days when India would bat like rag dolls anywhere outside the batting paradises of the sub-continent. This Indian team came to the English shores boasting a #1 world ranking. They go home as #3.

Doing a report card on the players would be an utterly pointless exercise, as every Englishman deserves at least 8 and every Indian who is not named Rahul Dravid deserves at most 2.

So what the heck happened? 

Is it even possible to pinpoint how a team can suddenly be so abysmal? A team only putting up a show in one match only for Tim Bresnan to blow them away? Perhaps surprisingly, the answers were always there, the cracks were merely invisible under the shiny gloss of big talk, the world cup victory and the so called world number one ranking. 

The truth is:

1. India were always unfit. For many years a number of key players were constantly breaking down with injury. Previously slim players are suddenly lazy, paunchy and tired. Handling this for fifty overs was possible and made it look like there was no issue. When it becomes 450 overs, it becomes painfully clear.
2. India never could field. The number of dropped catches, misfields and lumbering chases for the ball has been nothing new. Only Suresh Raina had any sort of energy and ability.
3. India have 1.5 bowlers. And one of those was Zaheer Khan, who's injury sealed the fate of the 'attack'. Praveen Kumar is the 0.5, who deserves special mention for his tireless and lionhearted efforts out there. Bhajji was always dead wood. Ishant and Sreesanth only bowl one or two good spells a series. Mishra and RP Singh never had the experience or the tools to do anything meaningful. Without a McGrath or Steyn, we will always be behind.
4. India don't win much. Perhaps the harshest reality of all. "But, but we are number one!" you say? Look at the recent results, in the past five years, India have drawn a ridiculous 19 matches, nearly equalling their win record of 22 matches. These draws came about with their gun batting line-up flaying the bowling on dead pitches, and an inability to take 20 wickets. 
5. The batting machine had to fail finally. How often did Laxman or Dravid (or even Bhajji!) bail them out of embarrassing situations with the bat. With any number one team, there will always come a time where the bowling and fielding will be tested, and India were never up to standard there. A team built on batting alone can only go so far.

Time to cut down on the Pakodas son. © Getty Images

The Bottom Line

If you look at the facts, India only really made it to the top as a place-holder for the declining Australians. A heavy weight of drawn series and matches is definitely an improvement from the 90's, and they are rightfully third on the ladder. But its time to stop being delusional and pretending this team was good enough to hold down the top ranking for very long.

It is a harsh wake up call, but a necessary one. You cannot take test matches for granted, a champion team is built on eleven players forming a batting, bowling and fielding unit with the mental fortitude to outlast the opponent over five days.

England, in other words.