Monday, January 30, 2012

Australia vs India - The Tour Diary

Never, in the last three decades has there been an Indian tour to Australia any worse than this. In the past there was usually at least one redeeming innings or spell that made the tour at least partially worthwhile. Having won the World Cup, the Indian team simply devolved into its state in the late nineties before they learnt how to play. Fat, unfit, lazy and above all, absolutely delusional. What was going through the minds of these players?

Sehwag: Forget England, we've got this.

1st Test: Australia v India at Melbourne - Dec 26-29, 2011
Australia won by 122 runs

Dhoni: Never mind, we are poor starters anyway.

Sachin: I can just feel that century coming...


2nd Test: Australia v India at Sydney - Jan 3-6, 2012
Australia won by an innings and 68 runs

Zak: Right there's my three wickets, over to you boys!
*crickets chirping*

622 runs and one wicket later

Dhoni: Hey I just realised I can sleep while standing up.
Kohli: How dare the !@#$% Australian crowds sledge me! *Inappropriate hand gesture*.
Graeme Smith: You think you've seen Aussie sledging...

Dhoni: Whoa innings defeat...
Dhoni: Lets go karting! That means you too Rahul, put that bat down.
Dravid: But there's a hole in it.

Sachin: Yep that century is coming...


 3rd Test: Australia v India at Perth - Jan 13-15, 2012
Australia won by an innings and 37 runs

Warner: Oh yeah! All hail the next Matthew Hayden.
Sehwag: Thats funny, I thought Twenty 20 cricket was supposed to help us.
Warner: What's your batting average Virat, haha lol.
Ishant: Dude you've played like two matches.
Kohli: Come to India Warner, lets compare our !@#$% batting averages there you !@#$%.
Warner: Three words, Chennai Super Kings.
Dhoni: Ah yes good times.

Gambhir: Right thats it, I want to see *rank turners* in India. Beat that.
Indian Curators: What exactly do you think we've been preparing for the last fifty years...
The Cricket Musings: Actual spinners might help too.

Dhoni: Somebody just ban me already.

Sachin: Yep... any minute now...

4th Test: Australia v India at Adelaide - Jan 24-28, 2012
Australia won by 298 runs  

Sehwag: Right as stand-in captain I call for more optimism and positive energy!

One 386 run partnership later

Sehwag: I need a better mentor.
Ishant: I declare myself the next Mohammad Sami.
Dravid: Did I just get bowled again!?

Sehwag: Guys guys relax... we beat them 2-0 in India remember! We've got this.
The Cricket Musings: That was only because Laxman saved you.
Sehwag: ... who?

Gambhir: ...
Dravid: ...
Sachin: ...
Laxman: ...
Kohli: !@#$% (quietly)
Dhoni: ...
Saha: Hey I tried.
Ashwin: ...
Ishant: ...
Zak: ...
Yadav: ...

...  ©Getty

Sehwag: Nothing needs to change!!
The Cricket Musings: And nothing will dear boy. Nothing will.

Relive more agony:
How to Save Indian Cricket
The Horrible India vs West Indies Test Match

1 comment:

  1. Totally agree especially about Sehwag, he is too much arrogant.