Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Sehwag Formula

A typical cricketer regardless of nation will grow and mature in their skills and abilities. Tendulkar put away his broken cover drive in 2003 and mastered the grind, Daniel Vettori forged a batting technique from oblivion, even Ganguly reinvented himself. One guy on the other hand bats exactly the same way since day one, and he doesn't care.

Too cool to care.  © Getty

The Sehwag technique that comprises of cement based shoes and swinging madly regardless of pace, bounce or swing. While it works and its forged a decent career, one wonders if this cuts the mustard now that the old reflexes are going. Not a single decent innings on this Australia tour, it does make one wonder what the future bodes.

So here it is, forecast for Sehwag 2012:

Jan: Uppercuts 2nd ball straight to 3rd man.
Feb: Bowled 4th ball.
Mar: Uppercuts 4th ball straight to 3rd man.
Apr: Uppercuts 2nd ball straight to 3rd man.
May: Out with shoulder injury caused by uppercutting one too many times.
Jun: Back from injury and fresh. Uppercuts first ball straight to 3rd man.
Jul: Bowled 2nd ball.
Aug: Change of tactics by Captain Fool. Demoted down the order, Bowled 4th ball.
Sep: Shoulder injury returns. But, now also has groin injury due to loosing middle stump one too many times.
Oct: Not fully fit, but opens innings with Gauti. Bowled 1st ball. Captain Fool blames it on injury. (Gauti out edged to 2nd slip 3rd ball)
Nov: Sehwag attends press conference and says no plans for retirement for next 10 years. Also says he will not change the way he plays one bit no matter what, citing his recent double hundred.
Dec: Sehwag again attends press conference and promises next year will be balle balle, because his mom has increased his milk intake. Desi-janta is very pleased to hear Sehwag's promise and his robust health. Everybody glued to TV sets in anticipation.

for i=2013:1:2023

if i= 2016 or 2019

   Play only Kenya, Ireland, Zimbabwe, Afghanisthan and home matches. Have the BCCI rig this.


   Repeat 2012 in random order.


Special thanks to Hemanth Porumamilla 

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