The Ishant Sharma Conundrum

Oddly enough Ishant Sharma has been making headlines since 2007 (eight years ago!), most famously for getting in the faces of opposition.

What justifies running your mouth in the gentlemen's game?
The answer is actually brutally simple, the Australian's do it. If there ever was a template to winning a game of cricket, "do what the Aussies do" sits right up there and it seems like the new age India has taken this on board perhaps a little too seriously. We have Kohli throwing f-bombs, Gambhir shoulder charging men twice his size, Dhawan doing mock limps in the outfield to belittle an injured batsman.

And we have Ishant. 

©AFP

Let's get one thing straight... this guy is a *terrible* bowler. 

Unlike the other aforementioned examples of cocky young Indians, this is one of the worst players operating in the game today. A reliable gauge for a good bowler is the bowling average, anywhere around 30 can be considered good while below 25 is top drawer. Ishant averages 36.5, poor by anyone's standard.

For some odd reason however, he truly believes he is in the Brett Lee and Dale Steyn school of fast bowling, and so he finds himself constantly getting fined for launching into verbal tirades which are usually completely uncalled for.  The critical difference is that yelling at a batsman when you're bowling figures are 1-100 is far less effective compared to say 1-23 (if Steyn's average is an example to go by).

So why does India persist with him?

Politics? But let's ignore favoritism for a moment because that's nothing but hearsay.

An answer is potential.  In a desperate search for quality Indian fast bowlers this young lad sprung out of nowhere and flung down deliveries both accurate and quick, using his tall frame to generate hostile bounce which had even Ricky Ponting hopping around.  It was almost old school West Indian like, it was raw and it was exciting. All the tools were there to become the next spearhead.

Unfortunately he faded away faster than a black pillow-case left in the sun, all that bustle and noise devolving into harmless Agarkar level fodder.  There are odd glimpses, such as the current hostile spells which helped India win this series in Sri Lanka (who are about to have a rough few years), but the glimpses are fleeting as illustrated by his stats.

An equivalent of the long lost Mohammad Sami.

India hasn't had an answer since Kapil Dev, with only Javagal Srinath and the underrated Zaheer Khan offering years of good service but never quite scaling the heights they were capable of.  Ishant is *capable* of plenty, but how much longer can you pick someone based on occasional rose tinted memories?

I'd sympathize more, if he'd just shut up and bowl.

The tough guy act fools nobody, sorry you're not intimidating until you have earned your stripes. 

Your spells were impressive this time, good. How about half a dozen more?

Why Does India try to Sledge?

A week ago my call was 0-4 for India, and at 0-2 the whitewash is on!

Credit where it is due, India have competed quite well at times and in fact inexplicably threw away the Adelaide test which they should have at least drawn. How was that for a brain explosion, it was almost West Indies like. Nonetheless I have been impressed by Murali Vijay and Kohli, and expected worse.

Along came Brisbane, a place where Australia never loses and once again they didn't disappoint. But some hilarity stuck out, in particular India and their new found love for sledging.

Sledging is a cricket exclusive term, or as Steve Waugh termed it... "Mental Disintegration". The Aussies of old used it beautifully to defeat the opposition with mind games and end contests before they even started. Just ask any England team pre-2005 or Daryll Cullinan.

But it is important to realize the most important ingredient the Aussies had, the batting and bowling riches to make it work. The wonderful oxymoron Glenn McGrath is the best example, hurling expletives in the opposition's faces and yet delivering the same dour ball at the same generous pace patiently waiting for the batsman to crack.

Which brings us to India who it seems have adopted the same tactic, hey it worked for them why won't it work for us? This problem is, they are hopeless at it.

So what happened in Brisbane?

• Ishant Sharma, after being utterly thumped all day throws a few f-bombs when removing Steve Smith.  Note that Smith was yet to be dismissed in the series so far and was on 133. Note also that this is one of the most useless bowlers in the game today and it wasn't even a good delivery.
• Rohit Sharma and Superstar Virat greet Mitchell Johnson to the batting crease with some foul mouthing off, followed by some "bouncers" and "fast bowling" of the Indian variety. He proceeds to belt them for 13 fours and a six and then shows them how it's done with the ball including both Kohli (1 run) and Rohit (0 runs).

"Economy rate less than 5, in your face!"

Ladies and gentlemen, this is *not* how it's done.

Add to that whinging more about umpiring (but DRS won't solve anything of course!), Kohli not having enough time to pad up, the practice wickets not being up to standard and apparently the food was no good either. Moan moan moan. 

The real mystery is why India decided to adopt the brilliant idea of annoying the Australians into hammering them. 

In the 90s - Indian teams would show up, get disintegrated, go home and await the return series for revenge. It was horrible, but at least we lost with dignity.

In the 00s - Sourav Ganguly taught the boys to stand up for themselves and push back when pushed. But these guys didn't go around picking fights, the likes of Dravid, Tendulkar, Kumble and Laxman continued to play with dignity and class. It wasn't sledging, it was simply refusing to be bullied and we saw some of the best and most competitive India-Australia cricket. 

In the 10s - We have Gambhir shoulder charging Shane Watson, whose shoulders are bigger than Gambhir himself. We have Raina and Dhawan flopping around on the field mocking an injured batsman. We have two-bit bowlers like Varun Aaron giving send offs to David Warner. Sir Jadeja, Kohli and the Sharmas are always willing to throw in their unwanted two cents, while Dhoni tells us it provides entertainment for the crowd. 

The Indian cricket team that I grew up with was all about humility and grace, they had adopted a more English approach of cricket being a gentleman's game. Now they have taken on the Australian model of turning cricket into psychological warfare, only without any actual weapons. It is all noise and hot air at the moment.

So this is the message to Team India... sledging while winning makes you Australia, sledging while losing makes you idiots.

Finally Some Real India-Pakistan Cricket

Last year we saw the two biggest rivals clash in what should have been the semi-final all cricket fans dream of.  But we instead got a dog's breakfast of a match where both teams were more interested in smiling like clowns and dropping catches at a rate that would make Akmal proud.

Fast forward about a year and we had Virat in the middle of his purple patch (remember that?) blasting Pakistan away with his "future of Indian cricket" form. His celebration alone showed us exactly what an Indo-Pakistan match is all about, passion, pride, bruised ego's and a uncompromising will to win.  This was followed by an enthusiastic but much too short encounter in the T20 World Cup.

And now, we finally have what we have been waiting for... this is the first *real* tour in five years and already it has wasted no time delivering exactly what has been expected. Some of the highlights then:

1. Throwing Toys of the Pram
After the classic Prasad vs Sohail gambit there has been too few moments where tempers really waned and the opposition gave each other a good old fashioned spray. Boy was I glad to see the Ishant perching over Akmal like an irate giraffe who had his lunch money stolen.

"That's Mr Giraffe to you" © AFP

2. Blowing Away Top Orders
This would make even the big bad wolf proud.

3. Staunch Resistance
The man I love to hate produced a true gem to rescue India from the hopeless (yes there you go, a rare Dhoni compliment).  Finest innings of his career.

4. New Heroes
Where the hell did Bhuvaneshwar Kumar come from? If Zaheer Khan's bizarre axing resulted in this kid, so be it. Finally an Indian bowler who can actually swing the ball and bowls with a cricketing brain. This country in its history has produced only three quick of proper quality, do we have a fourth?

But not all is rosy...

No Tendulkar?
Life is just not the same without him really. I was calling for his retirement earlier but I am surprised he called it before this tour and especially in one day cricket. Surely there is no greater stage set up for one last hurrah? He could have walked out there and gone ballistic, given it to his arch rivals one last time. That's what I call going out with a bang! Not to be.

No Test Matches?
This will be over before you can blink, too bad that after two more ODI matches and this clash will be done.



But lets savour those two matches then shall we?