Understanding the Calypso Collapso

Cricket often has some strange and unexplained phenomenon, for example:

• How Ajit Agarkar can get a century at Lords.
• How Michael Yardy was allowed to play international cricket.
• Why somebody would pay Glenn "The Big Show" Maxwell one million bucks.

But there is one cricketing mystery that continuously trumps them all, one team that can truly define the term enigma in their consistently baffling pursuits on the cricket pitch. This is none other than the West Indies.

Rewind about 30 years and these guys used to be absolutely unstoppable. They practically invented swagger, power cricket and tasteful arrogance. Some stonewalled all day while, others bludgeoned bowlers for fun, and they had a seemingly never ending assembly line of fast bowlers and swashbucklers. 

Until it well... ended.

© Getty

Most teams around the world are right on top or consistently crap, but how many can slide from one to the other in the very same match? There is no doubt that the West Indies are the undisputed king of collapses. Lets take a look back and analyse the concept of "The Calypso Collapso".

Some of the best

• Limping like a lame horse to 112 all out in 43 overs in a World Cup quarter final.
• Failing to chase 166 against Kenya, making 93 instead. Again in a World Cup.
• Crashing to 8-31 against Zimbabwe chasing 138.
• This last month, a 70 all out and 3 butchered run chases to lose 5-0 to Australia B.

But that's just the beginning...

The Top 3 West Indies Hall of Shame

#3 - ICC Champions Trophy Final 2006 (from 80-2 to 138 all out)

Chris Gayle claimed that he had 'unfinished business' leading into the match and responded by carting about everyone in sight including a 6-4-4 off none other than Glenn McGrath. The West Indies were flying at 10 an over when Nathan Bracken bowled the delivery of the tournament and sent Gayle back, and the rest of the lot stood around confused and clueless. And that includes Brian Lara who managed 2 off 18 deliveries.
Collapse = 58-8

#2 - DLF Cup 1st Match 2006 (172-1 to 201 all out)

Chasing a sizeable but gettable 279, Chanderpaul and Gayle went absolutely berserk and flayed 92 off 83 balls and 58 off 46 balls respectively. Australia were in a state of rare haplessness as in the strangest of situations Chanderpaul had romped to 50 when Gayle was on 9. It didn't last of course and Chanderpaul's departure left a pretty easy task of 106 required at four an over with 8 wickets in hand. They got 29.
Collapse = 29-9

#1 - World Cup 2nd Semi Final 1996 (165-2 to 202 all out)

And the biggest disgrace of all. They had Australia at 4-15 including Taylor, Ponting and both the Waughs, and even still Australia managed to somehow limp to 207. Chanderpaul and Lara were making light work of it until they fell and the inspired tactic of sending tail-enders Gibson and Harper backfired spectacularly. Richie Richardson stood alone at 49 not out and a World Cup final went begging. They never made the World Cup Semi Final even once since then.
Collapse = 37-8

Somebody call my shrink... again   © Getty

And I thought after the World T20 victory these guys were on the way back up.

Life is tough as a West Indies fan.

On 'Retirements', Misplaced Priorities and Crazy Selectors

Cricket is never free of controversy. As Sri Lanka blunder their way to a ridiculous test defeat (more on that to come), and Team Dhoni, the only real team, defeat Chris Gayle to take away the IPL championship, there has been plenty of other fun things happening under the carpet.

Afridi Retires
Pakistan cricket needs to redefine this word. According to most of us and our dear friend Google, it is "(an athlete) Ceasing to play competitively". Ceasing, meaning that's it, no more, zip, get the retirement cake. However, retirements in Pakistan are more like a self imposed holiday, often based around a money political problem and a resulting desperate plea for help. A real employer would tell them to find another job.

If only.

Shahid Afridi is the latest to 'conditionally retire' (!) until a new cricket board is in place. In other words, blackmail. Notice the strategic placement, Pakistan after this current Ireland series do not have a single confirmed tour in the months to come. A great time to 'retire' and create a ruckus against the PCB about your lack of money humiliation.

Tendulkar Refuses the West Indies
This is a wildly divided opinion. Some say if there is anyone in world cricket who is allowed to be choosy about his international tours, it is Sachin Tendulkar. Given all those dark years in the nineties he braved through single handedly, the man is allowed a break and special favors given his invaluable service to Indian cricket.

And then there are the other guys who go on to say that Tendulkar should be a role model for the game and pick international commitments over the IPL clown fest. This is twice he has done it, he gave up the last World Twenty 20 tournament after an IPL season, and now he is doing the same to rob the West Indian locals of a last glimpse at the man's talents. How can a young Pollard learn to get his priorities right when the legends of the game are doing exactly the same thing? There can be no other motivation other than money, of which Tendulkar has plenty of surely.

This is the side of the fence that I also sit on. Where do you sit?

He sides with the Money Mumbai Indians © AFP

And Finally... The WCB Strike Again
And we thought the PCB had issues. Still no Chris Gayle or Shiv Chanderpaul, and only the ghost of Sarwan remains in the team. Despite the fact that their two best players are fit and able, as Gayle showed us in a brutal 'in your face' display at the IPL (the best thing by far the IPL had to offer), Gayle is still left out of the squad to face India. Now I am no cricket board, but surely I need a long hard look at myself if I am in complete refusal to pick the only two players who can win you matches.

Often left bemused and devoid of an answer, this time I do offer a solution.

Sack them all.

Make Gayle captain. Start again. ... And hire Micheal Holding as a technical advisor.

Meet The New West Indies

Otis Gibson wasn't kidding around when he said it was time to clean out the attic.

The latest news is that the three big names of West Indies cricket have got the chop in the upcoming series against Pakistan. Thats right, no Gayle, no Sarwan, no Chanderpaul. Interesting move, bold move. Ripping out the West Indian spine will do one of two things, either form a new backbone, or collapse into a mush.  Is it fair to blame these three for the woes of the 00's and the sorry world cup run?

No Gayle
Easily the most influential and dynamic player of the team for such a long time. He is the big name, the draw card, the one who captains talk up the toss. He had a poor world cup, but find me a West Indian batsman who didn't. Of the three, I find this the most bitter pill to swallow, the man looks lazy, but he most certainly isn't. It was him to told Suliemann Benn to get lost when he refused to listen to him remember?

No Sarwan
This I agree with. The man looked as scratchy as ever and is completely stuck in the mud. A real shame given that he was promised to succeed Lara as the next big thing, he might well have too if he steered clear of injuries and politics. But for now, he is a dead anchor in the team and there may be a chance we'll never see him again.

No Chanderpaul
This is sad but probably correct move. He has been a barnacle in the side, clutching on and fighting manfully against the waves of mediocrity around him. I for one was a big fan of the Gayle-Chanderpaul opening combination, but nobody else was it seems. Now it has become a bit of an identity crisis, is he a Gilchrist? a Mark Richardson? a Michael Bevan? He had shades of all, but at the moment he is neither, and with another world cup looking pretty unlikely, the walls are closing in on one of the real street fighters of the game.

The end of the road? © Associated Press

Adding to this....

No Pollard
The man has Mumbai Indians commitments folks. Get this quote: "It was mutually determined that Pollard would be best served by being allowed to hone his T20 skills in the Indian Premier League, which will bring future benefit to West Indies cricket..." . What a load of trash. Michael Holding once said he doesn't regard Pollard as a cricketer. I will correct him, he is not a West Indian cricketer. Sadly it won't be long before others follow his lead and play his selfish card, to send the West Indies into further decline.

The only thing being "honed" here is the Pollard bank balance.

Marlon Samuels!
On the positive side, after copping a ban for involvement with bookmakers, the man who once bashed Warne around and earned Steve Waugh's respect is back in the fame. If their upcoming opponents had to deal with corruption bans, it would be an empty plane flying into the Carribean.

It was Pakistan who embarrassed the West Indies in a ridiculous defeat in the quarter final. Who will prevail in what can be termed a revenge match? Depends if Pakistan turn up, and thats a whole different story altogether.