Showing posts with label ipl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ipl. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

The Super Smash Conundrum

In the continual flood of domestic T20 hooey raining upon us all year wide; athletes formerly known as cricketers strut about in coloured pyjamas engaging in high powered baseball cricket.  It's been on for a few years now, and with time it became clear that the IPL and the Big Bash reign supreme among the various PLs' in Pakistan, Bangladesh, The Caribbean and England.

But more importantly, and rather sadly, it became clear which of these tournaments didn't rise to the top, New Zealand's very own fast food variety, the Super Smash.

While one might not be a resounding advocate of T20, we have to accept it exists, it's here to stay, and even may even go as far as deserving its place as an energetic crowd-pull over a couple of lazy beers.

Our flavour is no different to the rest of the leagues, in theory at least; a series of domestic level teams tearing apart a torrent of bowling mediocrity, partaken on postage stamps as each forgettable match follows another until we have an equally forgettable 'champion'.

The difference is, our version is dead; but perhaps with a bit of foresight and imagination it doesn't have to be this way.



Two ways we can instantly fix it:

1. Bring In The People
Granted, it's not easy to plan around an international calendar for all three formats of the game, but there needs to be a deliberate effort made to get a T20 window blocked out. Guess what already found success in New Zealand? Rugby Sevens and Auckland Nines. 

Putting the fun in fun-sized, the heavily concentrated and time-boxed events worked wonders simply because they were easy to plan for and commit to; they packed a quick punch and it was over with without saturating it's potential.

Could this work for cricket? In T20 absolutely.

A one month tournament is insanely long, we simply do not have the spectator base to hold up that level of interest.  Trim it to a week.  

We only have six teams and have the ability to crack through two games a day - no different to a day out during a regular ODI match. If everyone plays each other once, that's 15 games + 1 final, easily done.  Turn each venue into a real carnival; milk it with fan zones, player meets, and the sureshot option of handing out free stuff.  Why not dish out free data spots offered by a happy sponsor?

Unlike vanilla cricket this is the chance to get creative, at the moment there simply isn't enough imagination.

2. Bring In The Players
Now that there's bums on seats, we need action.  The lack of cricketing star power has plagued our domestic competition for decades, there simply never is enough emotional investment.

Now with all due respect to the Carl Cachopas' and Scott Kuggeligns' of our world, the future of our sport needs to be playing alongside our top graders to develop themsleves and importantly truly get our attention. The team sheets are simply not magnetic enough to register on most radars.   We gamely try to give the competition TV & radio coverage, but this is all akin to Roger Federer's presence in Auckland in 2000. A diamond in the making is simply a lump of rock.

What do we really want to see?

We want to see Brendon McCullum ruthlessly charging Trent Boult, the way he audaciously attacked Dale Steyn and Mitchell Johnson.  Boult retaliates, rapping one into his ribs, McCullum then tries to counter but it nips back in a touch and he loses his pegs. Our country's best bowler versus our most lunatic batsman, now that I'll make time for.

How about Ish Sodhi fire through Ross Taylor like a hot curry with that wicked wrong'un, fresh after a couple of Taylor patented slog sweeps have disappeared into the banks.   Will a Tim Southee yorker land or get hit clean out of the ground by Martin Guptill?  Does the old fox Daniel Vettori still have a trick or two, or will the forgotten Jesse Ryder bash him out of the attack?

The Super Smash, should, have your answers. At the moment it's not asking questions.

If you start to introduce stakes to the game, then you might attract more riches - the Pollards' and Pietersens' of the world.  Get enough West Indians here and you might even get Chris Gayle touching NZ soil in the one format he really cares about.  Now there's a crowd puller.

Why not throw in a mandatory couple of under-19 players?  Cash in on a bit of free talent exposure.



These little encounters are the stuff of cricket, especially this brand of cricket.  It is designed to be grandiose and gladiatorial; what use is that without gladiators?

Cricket Max made the same mistake two decades ago, remember Carl Bulfin anyone? 

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Rohit Sharma has Destroyed Cricket

Cricket has gone mad.

What kind of a world do we live in when a batsman can score 264 runs in an ODI innings, to break his own record of 209 no less?  A world where 264 surpasses the entire second innings score. A mismatch of such epic proportions should only be experienced if India played Fiji.

There is a difference between Jayasuriya sticking it to opposition 1996 world cup in an audacious counter attack, and this snooze-fest of boundaries against club level bowling.

And we aren't talking Tendulkar, Gilchrist or Gayle type pyrotechnics,  Rohit Sharma is a pretty average player.  To regard him has potentially one of the all time greats based on a silly innings like this is nonsense.

How Did This Happen?

It was inevitable that the IPL effect would eventually seep into ODI cricket. That brand of cricket promotes small boundaries, dead batting tracks and atrocious bowling and fielding (thank you Sri Lanka for playing your part).  This isn't ODI cricket, it is Fifty50 cricket.

It is important to note the distinction:
  • ODI cricket is a cricket match designed to be a contest between bat and ball
  • Fifty50 is a baseball slogathon exclusive to Indian wickets
One could argue that Sri Lanka had the same opportunity on the same pitch to make those kind of runs. But whose home turf is this? Who gets the maximum exposure to these grounds? IPL matches, the Champions League T20, the Ranji Trophy, Irani Cup, Duleep Trophy... this is India's back yard and they know how to use it.

Is Home Advantage Wrong?

Of course not, in fact I am all for home advantage *providing* it continues to be a fair cricketing contest.  There is nothing fair about it when the bowler is taken out of the equation, it becomes Shane Warne Cricket on Playstation.  Batting pitches this bad (or 'good' batting tracks) is equivalent to cheat codes.

I remember when Ganguly's tour party came down to New Zealand in 2002/03, and the reverse happened with wickets tumbling everywhere and Andre Adams was as lethal as Brett Lee. There was such a storm kicked up that the following tour was tailor made for batting again, and the batsman had a field day with India cleaning up the series.

How is a wicket taking paradise any less biased than 400+ conditions?

Some home advantage makes sense, lunacy does not.

The Stats Speak

There are now 4 double centuries in ODI cricket, all of them by Indians, all of them in India.

Rohit Sharma has an ODI batting average of 38.  Decent yes, but nowhere near deserving of the two biggest individual scores in the game.

The real telling numbers come in the home-away-neutral averages treble of 68-27-35, plus lots of games in Australia with an average of 26.

The latest India-Australia series smashed all sorts of batting records.  This included James Faulkner, hardly a batsman, taking away Australia's fastest century record from the incomparable Matthew Hayden.



Something is wrong with this picture.


What is the Damage?

The batting records will rumble, the top ODI innings list has become a bit farcical and so too will the top ODI batting totals as well.  Any bowling attack that concedes 400+ in 50 overs should be shot at dawn.

Don't get me wrong, stating that Rohit Sharma has Destroyed Cricket is *not* an attack on Rohit, he has been simply played with the cards dealt to him.  Who wouldn't love to score double hundreds?

The point is that he is currently a symbol of everything that is going wrong with the ODI game, no player should be getting doubles let alone him.  Glenn Maxwell another prime example, a slog merchant swinging as if blindfolded.

What Happens Now...

Hopefully the game will still live on in sanity with plenty of matches outside of India, and that includes the upcoming World Cup.

If Rohit Sharma hits anything close to a double century during that tournament, I will eat my cricket bat for breakfast.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

The Kiwi Corruption Files

Corruption. IPL.

Ironic that these two are simultaneously headlining the world of cricket today. Oddly enough it's not India nor Pakistan who are at the forefront of the latest scandals to emerge, instead the beacon is shining on the calm and friendly backwaters of New Zealand cricket.  Who would have thought?

How Bad is it?
Whether corruption exists or not is not even a question. It's there, it's been there for a couple of decades at least. It's been there in plain sight in front of administrators, players and audiences alike. Until recently all have chosen to sweep it under the carpet and pretend it's not real. We all stand with our eyes closed and fingers crossed with an elephant in the room, chanting "if I can't see you, you can't see me".

The real question is not if the elephant is there, but instead just how gigantic it is. I'm not even sure I want to know. If it's so bad that the ICC pretend it doesn't happen, the full truth will get ugly.

An example of the ignorance: the famous India-Pakistan World Cup Semi Final. The ICC watched on all smiles as arguably the two most corrupt teams in the sport engaged in a scripted farce.

The Butt-Asif-Amir affair had undeniable evidence, only then was something done about it. What about those hundreds of cases of obvious under-performing and rigging that didn't have concrete evidence?

But How Did New Zealand Get Involved?
Before the IPL kicked off there was this awful thing called the ICL. This 'rebel' league was basically a hunting ground for disgruntled ex-players to make easy undeserved money through staged exhibition games which nobody cared about. Heck even the ICC wanted nothing to do with it, and that says something.

And as far as disgruntled ex-players goes, New Zealand had plenty to offer. We fielded enough players to almost form a special New Zealand ICL Team:

- Astle
- Cairns
- Hamish Marshall (remember him?)
- McMillan
- Harris
- Parore
- Bond
- Andre Adams
- Tuffey

... and in plain sight we have a potential list of corrupt kiwi players. And in fact a pretty solid team, that lot would probably have beaten the real black caps. Notice how almost all of them disappeared completely from the cricket world other than to take on match fixing allegations. The exceptions being Bond and McMillan.

Of that list, three guys have been named as possible riggers of the game. Lets spotlight these:

Lou Vincent




Who?
He kicked off his career in fine style by smashing a McGrath-Gillespie-Lee-Warne attack around (in Perth no less). Destined for big things, it instead was a career of licorice all-sorts consisting of handing out towellings as an opener, some wicketkeeping, a patient double hundred against Sri Lanka (he was dropped from tests for good not long later) and finally re-emerging from the IPL as a T20 gun for hire wielding a ridiculous mongoose bat.

Thank god it never took off


Why do we care?
Vincent started this whole mess by doing the unthinkable... actually fessing up. He openly admits to match fixing, very rarely ever done given how much of it really goes on.  This might trigger a chain of events that will blow the lid off the whole thing as apparently he has a 'treasure trove' of information. To be honest I think whatever he has is probably still not the whole truth.

Daryl Tuffey




Who?
Once had Ganguly terrified of him, he was never a particularly bad bowler and probably would have made a decent career next to a spearhead. That spearhead was the always-injured Bond, which exposed Tuffey directly to some Jayasuriya assaults which would keep him out of the game. Also famous for partaking in dodgy videos.

Why do we care?
The over from hell.



Seriously? 4 no balls and 3 wides? There were no alarm bells ringing after that?
Fleming had none of it and took him off for the rest of the game, and Tuffey barely played again at the top level. Interestingly Cairns at mid-off gives him a re-assuring pat on the back during the over. Hmmm...

Christopher X Cairns




Who?
The kiwi all-rounder legend that almost was. At times he was as good as any and could take teams apart with both bat and ball. Sadly this hardly ever happened, and you can only single out a handful of truly great performances (but they were bloody great).  In the context of the Black Caps he was looked upon fondly and much beloved, and he has a better record than the vastly overrated Flintoff.

Cairns had a strangely sudden retirement and I had the honour of being there live for his tragic farewell innings of 2.

Why do we care?
He was apparently pulling all the kiwi strings in the ICL with the dodgy briefcases and Dubai trips. Vincent named him. Squeaky Clean McCullum named him. He retired completely out of the blue, slammed ODI games as being boring and was the captain of the ICL team.  Lalit Modi, the king of cricket corruption had the audacity to sue Cairns for corruption.

The buck stops at Mr. X.



Maybe I am just being harsh, Cairns and Tuffey are pleading innocent... what if they really are?

And maybe the ICL was just a collection of annoyed players who weren't getting picked, I mean its not like anyone actually came out years of retirement just to play in the ICL right?


Whoops...

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

The 'Exciting' Future of Domestic T20 Cricket

It was a lovely morning when the president of the ICC woke up from a morning slumber greeted with a warm cup of mocha, and a personal letter outlining yet another amazingly successful T20 competition. This letter was from his Technical Advisor of Cricketing Innovations, the mastermind behind the IPL concept, super-subs and overseas cheerleaders.

It raised very real concerns about the future of our beloved T20 sport...

As successful as this newest, dominant brand of cricket is, we as innovators must continue to be one step ahead of the game and the fans, and ensure that we secure the future of our exciting brand. The gradual takeover of ODI and Test cricket is all but sealed, but our job is not done, our game needs more pop, more zing and more buzz, and here how we are going to do it:

One League to Rule Them All!
We combine the IPL, SLPL, BPL, BBL, EAPL, C20, A20 and HRV... and create what I call the "League of Leagues"... or "LOL" if you will. This will be a bi-annual six month event (see what I did there!) featuring ten teams from each league in a league of its own, producing a league table topper or 'league champion' for the league as well as 'league runner up' from each league.

These two teams from each league will form the LOL Champions League. It will feature a round robin which will produce a 'super league champion' before running into the playoffs section featuring the top 8 teams called the 'gold team league play-offs'. All (yes all) the remaining loser teams will be divided into 'silver team league play-offs' and 'wooden team league play-offs' to ensure nobody feels left out, and we will have three LOL champions every year and these three will play each other in a winner take all to unveil the 'platinum super league champion'.

More Exciting Teams!
Each team will forcibly consist of 4 local superstars, one of which will be the 'icon' player (obviously the most famous guy) who will also be the captain by default and he can never ever leave his team, ever. One of these five local superstars must be over 40, and one must be under 15. The rest of the team will be made up of 3 overseas superstars, 1 american baseball player, 1 Bollywood celebrity, 1 lucky lucky winner of the weekly LOL draw and 1 cheerleader.  The point is that we reach all possible target audiences.

Also, every team has a designated 'traitor' who can switch sides with the other 'traitor' at any stage of any game. This will really spice up the contest and in particular freshen up existing rivalries and create new ones in the process. For the first time we have the very real possibility of a superstar smashing a century to beat his first century!

More Runs!
We want more big hits, and there is an alarming number of sub 200 scores and lack of centuries in the current game. The situation is simply unacceptable, so I propose:

  • Free hits are an underarm lob that must not bounce on the pitch at all. These can happen in the event of a front foot no ball, a back foot no ball, a left foot no ball, wides, byes, leg byes, bye byes, causing the batsman to miss the ball completely, and bowling over 140kph.
  • A batsman missing the ball or scoring zero runs penalizes the batting team 2 runs.
  • If the ball is hit in the air for longer than four seconds, it is automatically a six and he cannot be out caught. Each stadium will have a huge 'shot clock' to time these.
  • Two fielders during power play overs, period.

More Drama!
A tied match will now feature a dance-off between the two bollywood celebrities of each team. Their performances will be ranked by the live audience who will each be given a key pad to cast their votes. The results will be updated on the big screen in *real time*.

© AFP

There will be 24x7 footage in the player dressing rooms as well as microphones to ensure we really get behind the scenes. Each week will also feature a 'spotlight player' who will be followed around all week to really get into the lifestyle and what it means to be a cricket superstar. We are also talking about weekly DVDs for fans to forever cherish their favourite off-the-field moments.

There will be an opening ceremony, a closing ceremony, a mid season street parade and fortnightly match parties. I have already talked to the local councils regarding the parades and they are already expressing their interest!

***

These are just some of the MANY ideas my committee of fifty have short listed, and believe me there will be more to come. Our strength as you know is our ability to innovate with edgy, crisp and new-age concepts. I look forward to hearing your feedback and can't wait to execute our new plans.


Having finished the letter and the mocha, the president of the ICC could only reflect upon the amazing talents at his disposal, he thought the game of cricket had seen it all and yet there is just so much untapped potential.

He can take comfort in knowing the future of cricket is in safe hands.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The 2013 Cricket Wish List

I'm not sure who this letter is addressed to, the ICC? The Cricketing Gods? Santa?

Whoever it may be, I have been a good cricket fanatic last year and I feel I am entitled to see the metaphorical stockings hanging over my fireplace filled with cricketing goodies. So here goes then, my wish list:

1. New Zealand Survive 5 Days
An administrators nightmare, the recent South Africa series had whole days featuring an empty stadium. Wouldn't it be nice to see my home country not embarrass ourselves and actually survive the new ball, build a real innings and not concede 500 all the time? South Africa didn't even bother sledging as Vernon Philander aptly put it, "I don't think you have to say much if they are 45 all out".

Ouch. © AFP

What will probably happen: 
I may get my wish but only because the Black Caps made friends with some rain clouds.

2. The DRS Finally Stays
I wish that the ICC grow up and start doing their actual job. This involves a kick up BCCI's backside and using our god given technological powers for the good of our beloved sport. If Dhoni was correctly given out yesterday's match would have had a whole new complexion. The days of dodgy umpiring dictating a match are over, or at least should be.

What will probably happen: 
Nothing.

3. The Champions Trophy is a Hit
I am in a minority but I actually like the 50 over tournament which works nicely as a quick-smart world cup event, bringing all the world teams together a bit more regularly than four years. Its only 15 games and it takes less than a month, if we can fit the IPL we can fit this.

What will probably happen: 
I will be writing an obituary for the Champions Trophy in June.

4. The IPL Flops
Which brings me to this. The IPL has run its course now as the guilty pleasure form of cricket and needs to take a firm back seat, especially after the way its mutilated Indian cricket. With the downfall of that dreaded team should come the downfall (or at least watering down) of this too-frequent annual event which dead halts all meaningful cricket for a month.

What will probably happen: 
Money talks unfortunately, business shall continue.

5. The West Indies Deliver
Its about time we saw a strong West Indies and finally they have eleven men who can actually do it. They have a willing leader, Chris Gayle, adequate support for Chris Gayle, real all-rounders, a quality spinner and some decent (but not great) quicks. We haven't seen this in about fifteen years and their time has finally come. First stop, Australia.

What will probably happen: 
Gayle gets injured, Samuels gets banned at the wrong time and therefore they lose the matches that matter.

6. Somebody Drops Gambhir
I should get this wish pretty shortly. Has anyone had a more blessed run after nearly two years of nothing in every form of the game? Well, he has contributed his big mouth with his "we'll see you at home" tirade after getting towelled in Australia. Fat lot of good that did son.

What will probably happen: 
Your guess is as good as mine with Indian selectors. He'll make a century soon (in India of course and after offering two dropped catches) and the feeble minded administrators will jump for joy at what a fine player he is. He'll secure his selection for another six months and then run himself out on 101.

Bring it on 2013!

Friday, October 19, 2012

International T20 is the only good T20

Regular readers of this blog will know by now some of my pet peeves:
  • Cricket cheerleaders 
  • MS Dhoni batting promotions
  • The Shahid Afridi wicket celebration
  • And above all, Twenty20 cricket overkill

However the recently concluded International T20 World Cup changed my mind about one thing. There is such thing as quality, watchable Twenty20 cricket and this quality only comes from one stage, the international stage. 

Therefore my hate has been redirected now purely to domestic Twenty20 cricket, which really is nothing more than the much described batting circus. The recent World Cup had one key ingredient that the IPL and its various simpleton cousins do not have, top class players participating in actual teams.

Finally we get to see batsmen playing proper strokes built on technique and skill instead of swinging madly like a wood cutter on steroids. Finally we saw bowlers being able to contain them instead of serving up a volley of garbage. And most importantly, finally we saw teams playing for national pride rather than a meaningless mishmash team of licorice all-sorts.

This wasn't the IPL, this was real cricket.

 Wait... who are you guys again? © Assc Press

I say "World Cup" loosely though, as it is still a level below the true 50-over format equivalent. Other than the memorable inaugural tournament, the other installments came and went too quickly with administrators unable to rein themselves, looking to quickly mass produce the newly discovered candy. It is difficult to remember much of those later tournaments bar one or two matches (Chris Gayle vs Brett Lee anyone?).

This tournament on the other hand was different. Bar a certain Mr. Pietersen, every team turned up full strength and lined up on a largely even keel. And the results were fantastic.

We need to see more of this, and much less of the domestic nonsense. We have the IPL, the BPL, SLPL, KFC Big Bash, HRV Cup... heck even Canada and Kenya have their own little backyard T20 romp.



That's not even mentioning the pretentiously named Champions League T20, a sorry attempt to ape the football equivalent. The drop in quality between last month's tournament and this silly one is quite remarkable.

In a Nutshell Then...
  • International T20 is great.
  • Everything else is not.
  • Stop it.



Thursday, July 19, 2012

Kevin Pietersen is a Cocky Pillock

How far is a cricket player allowed to go before he becomes bigger than the game?

Kevin Pietersen is certainly not shy of controversy, dominating the media headlines with his usual hare-brained two cents while milking the celebrity status and culture for all its worth. The latest bombshell arrived recently, the demand for a dedicated IPL window so that he can forgo his international commitments for a quick cash grab. Only then, says our beloved KP, will he consider playing in all three formats for England.


The cheek of the fellow!


This is just a sample of the myriad of reasons why this is so ridiculously absurd:
  • No player should be demanding anything from any cricket board, they should only be requesting at best. 
  • He cited fatigue as one of his problems, and his proposal is to play all three formats alongside a full two month IPL season? 
  • He cited homesickness as one of his problems, and yet he wants to disappear to India for two months?
  • He's just not that good a player. England quite happily dispatched Australia without him, they certainly don't need him as much as he likes to believe.

"Remember what I said about missing you Honey?  WELL I LIED " © Getty

Unfortunately dear readers, this is merely the beginning of the end. Players have already begun prioritising  their dollar chase with Dwayne Bravo and Brendon McCullum needing 'fatigue breaks', and Indian cricketers in complete control over their calendars. The Sehwag's and Dhoni's of this world take holidays as they please. 

The wheels are in motion.  All round stupidity and greed of the players and boards alike are killing the ODI and possibly the test formats of the game, and none of this has anything to do with the apparent lack of quality of these forms. In fact they hands down produce better cricket than T20 ever will. Martin Guptill is a rare exception who preferred county cricket over the IPL, hats off to him.

But perhaps all is not lost. The death of the IPL will come, and it will resurrect the real forms of the game and pull away the glitzy curtain that so many have so ignorantly been gawking at.  More than that though, a hard stance is needed by the cricketing boards and coaches. They simply cannot let players get bigger than the game and must refuse to bend over to their ridiculous demands.

What we are witnessing is a major shift in the game, our sport is being challenged by the lure of completely unjustified amounts of money in return for cheap cricket and a slow death of actual technique and competition. England and South Africa are two of the exceptions in the world who know the place of the IPL and put international duty first, and as a result they will rightfully be the ones to contest the number one crown in the upcoming series

Andy Flower and the ECB have set the example by removing Pietersen, the Twitter-happy twit, from the T20 world cup squad.





Monday, May 21, 2012

If Cricketers Were Cartoon Characters

Thank you IPL, for grinding cricket down to a screeching halt.

This is the time of year where instead of the *real* game we have an exhibition of cricket ball abuse featuring teams tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum while us poor fans and purists have been forced to revisit our old highlights collections, banish cricinfo.com to the wilderness, and suffer severe writers block.

Devoid of inspiration, what must the dear old blogger resort to?

Trivia!

Some months ago there was an internet obsession with dopplegangers, or lookalikes. Unfortunately most of the time it was clutching on straws, heck people tell me I look like Jehan Mubarak, big deal. And truth be told human to human lookalikes are a tad boring, so we see the same person twice... we've seen twins before and not the Schwarzenegger-deVito kind either.

So instead I present to you, animated and cartoon contemporaries of famous (and not so famous) cricketers of recent times.

Ryan Sidebottom is Sideshow Bob
While one plotted to destroy Bart Simpson, the other plotted to destroy New Zealand batting line-ups.

  

Darren Lehmann is Shrek
The team even nick-named him Shrek, so everyone is in on this one.

 

Ross Taylor is Diddy Kong
Aw how cute (not you Ross).

 

Darren Sammy is Evil Majin Buu
Armed with the goal of world domination, though with slightly different methods.





James Franklin is Jon Arbuckle
The ultimate bland-face.

 


Scott Styris is Beaker
Its the upside-down mouth that does it?


 

And my personal favourite.

Shoaib Akthar is Gollum
The freaky eyes, the whispy hair... stumps or hobbit alike nobody can deny what is preciousss to them.

 



Care to add, agree or disagree?




Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How To Save Indian Cricket In 5 Easy Steps

Here we are again. After being taken to the cleaners by England, India quickly hosted a home ODI series, duly thrashed them, and life went on.

Lessons learned, none.  © AFP

But in the wise words of Arnold Schwarzenegger, "you only postponed it, judgement day is inevitable". Now we have a team that is at full strength and performing even worse despite more favourable conditions and a weaker opponent. We have a team that is making Warner & Cowan look like the next Hayden & Langer, and nobodies like Hilfenhaus bowling as if they are Jason Gillespie.

One can ramble on and dissect the new level of horrors that have been transcended, but its time for a change in tone. Its time to look at how Indian cricket can be fixed, and its not all that complicated either.

1. Restrain The IPL Horse
Dear BCCI, if you want your cash cow then so be it, you started a trend that everyone follows, however everyone else knows how to let loose in small doses. A two month annual event is simply not on. The crowds are bored, the purists are cringing and the batting techniques are flopping like a dying fish. You had your fun but now realise that the development of skill is more important than the development of the wallet size, nobody will pay to go and watch street kids swing a stick and that's the way its heading.

2. Retire The Oldies
Dear selectors, when you know that half the team is ready for the old folks home, have a plan. Instead we are being treated to the shame of watching great batsmen lose their natural reflexes, embarrassing themselves against opposition they would have swished away like a fly five years ago. They are not invincible nor immortal, and if you take those three out of the team without a backup blueprint, we have a hole to replace a hole covered with sticks.

3. Develop Real Batsmen
Yes you again selectors, why not grow test match quality talent instead of selecting IPL talent and hoping for the best? The funny thing is, the domestic circuit already has players of the correct calibrations, Cheteshwar Pujara, Dinesh Karthik, Badrinath, Jaffer, Kaif just to name a few. But all of these players fell victim to the show pony bias, the insuppressible urge to hire a cowboy instead of a workhorse. Give these guys guaranteed selection for a while and let their techniques develop naturally, you can't expect players to emerge like magic.

4. Get A Real Captain
Mr Dhoni, quite a history you have developed on this blog. Maybe its time to realise for yourself that you have neither the batting technique, the tactical nous nor the hunger for test cricket captaincy. You barely qualify for selection on batting and keeping grounds. The gentlemen's move would be to step down from Test cricket now instead of 2013, rather than boldly assuming he wouldn't be dropped before then. Nasser Hussain knew when to quit with dignity.

5. Leave The Go-Karts At Home
Dear team building co-ordinator (you again Dhoni?), if a team is struggling to hit a ball, for goodness sake don't take them go-karting! Taking their minds off cricket you say? Their minds couldn't have been more off cricket to begin with. Yes we know that your home based matches are a barrel of laughs but an overseas tour to a country where you never win is pretty serious stuff. Here's an idea, maybe a few hours of hard net practice? Fielding practice? Even meditation would do.

Just working on my 'drive' .  © Flagstaffotos

All of this is easier said than done. It requires vision, maturity and sacrifice, three qualities that the governing body of Indian cricket distinctly lack. There will be a fall back, and it will take perhaps years to rebuild a team worthy of Test cricket, but it is a necessary move given that things could not get any worse right now. Without a change, its like the great Arnie says.


"You are terminated".



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Friday, January 6, 2012

2012 - The End of the World (For Indian Cricket)

The recent years could be described as the zenith of Indian cricket. A world cup, the number one test ranking, an assortment of batsman averaging above fifty. For a while all was rosy for Indian cricket as they had all the money and the silverware. The problem is though, the higher you climb the tree the more gravity laughs at you, and awaiting this Indian team in the coming year is a crash course face down in the mud.

As we speak Australia are mauling India in a manner reserved not even for Zimbabwe. The so-called best batting line-up hasn't delivered, and we all know India has nothing else up its sleeve apart from the odd Zaheer Khan spell. The fielding is a joke, the bowling a gun loaded with blanks, Gambhir and Kohli (the 'future') are nowhere as good as they think they are, and special mention to the unimaginative and dire captaincy of the most worshipped man in Indian cricket. He may be a lot of things, but as a test captain Dhoni is a disgrace.

Unfortunately for India, the problems do not end here and it won't be long before we are back in the dark days of the 90's. Yes the days when Devang Gandhi was in the team and Agarkar was the king of ducks.

Quack.  © AFP

The powers are about to shift away, and the coming year will be a telling one for Indian cricket. Here are the events The Cricket Musings predicts for 2012:

The IPL Will Start Dying
This won't be the last we see of it, but it will be on its way down. The corruption is already exposing itself with teams having to drop out and players reportedly not being paid. The already poor quality of cricket will only get worse, especially when key players will retire and or opt out altogether. Audiences will wake up worldwide, and realise that Test cricket is the only true form, and that India are hopeless at it.

The previous IPL had a lot to thank Chris Gayle for.

Tendulkar Will Get His 100th 100
But by the time it comes nobody will care any more. Except maybe cricinfo who probably have tribute articles saved up and gathering cob-webs.

Dravid and Laxman Will Retire
A sad ending, because its tragic to watch Dravid miss straight deliveries and Laxman scoring less runs than Chris Martin. What the BCCI will do is rig a home series against a Zimbabwe and give them easy centuries to bow out with. I hope so because they deserve a farewell more pleasant than James Pattinson screams.

The DRS Will Live
Eventually the ICC will wake up when the credibility of the BCCI and Dhoni will decline. Common sense will prevail in the end, even though it was years too late.

More 200's
Sehwag and Sachin only completed the inevitable. For years many got mighty close, and others would have sailed to a double had the chasing target been larger (see Shane Watson). With flat pitches still not easing up, there will be more of these on the way.

A Return Australian Series
To restore dented batting averages and the pride of Virat Kohli. They did it against England, and with India having planned next to nothing in terms of forthcoming tours, they are (as usual) free to do what they like.


A plea to the cricket gods, please save us all.



Related Reading:
Australian Cricket In Trouble
Why Dhoni Is A Fluke
Why The IPL Is Ruining Cricket

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

South Africa vs Australia Series Review - We Have Been Robbed

World cricket is at war.

In one corner, we have the front bench crowd with small attention spans and an insatiable lust for sixes and cheap thrills. They are backed up with cash hungry administrators and sponsors looking to turn the game into  a business. And on the other there is the rest of us, those who crave for one simple thing, real cricket.

And by george we got some real cricket.

This series was ample proof of what the beautiful game has to offer in its purest form. It does not require gimmicks, cheerleaders and atrocious piggy backs such as the 'Free Hit'. The true recipe is two quality sides, zero corruption and a neutral pitch. We live in the insulting batting age where the flat decks of Mohali are termed as 'good pitches'. This series showed us exactly what a cricket pitch needs to be, reward for skill.

For what it was, the stalemate was the most interesting cricket we have seen in recent times. Neither team, already bitter rivals with a short but incredible history, managed to take the ascendancy. Both teams continued to be the victims of their own insecurities, unwilling to put the opposition to bed once and for all. And we the spectators benefited the most, watching two teams crash back and forth is a mighty load of fun.

Crashing taken literally sometimes © AFP

If you scroll back over the last six months or so, there has been plenty of forgettable cricket. It is no coincidence either that most of this was the limited overs format, does anyone even bother to care who wins these Twenty20 matches? The biggest shambles of them all was the Champions Trophy T20 tournament, which serves more like the idiot cousin of the football equivalent. An ego trip, at best. If we ripped that poor show out of the cricketing calendar, we could have had a third test match.

A third deciding test match, just imagine the tantalizing possibilities.

The solutions unfortunately rely on the likes of the ICC and the BCCI to wake up to these facts. It will rely on a complete implosion of the IPL as well as a large enough outcry from the fans and players alike to rally against poor cricket and support the cream of it. Martin Guptill recently gave up his IPL contract to take on commitments in the longer formats in first class English cricket. There is a shining example.

Much like like a movie trailer, we saw a quick preview of an enthralling spectacle. We have all been left with empty feelings while the players are left scratching the heads, caught in an unsatisfied limbo. There will be no full length motion picture to follow, it shall remain 1:1 and cricketers and spectators alike shall forever remain robbed.


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Shoaib Akhtar Speaks (The Truth?)


Autobiographies really are something. It is a time when self important sporting celebrities get to wave their creative pencil and indulge themselves in a self-made ego trip. Most of them are ignored as they lack the creativity, or the writing skill, or are just plain boring outside of the game. Then you get the select few personalities who carry off interesting laughs and anecdotes and make the experience a pleasure to read.

And then there is Shoaib Akthar.

Anything less than borderline insanity from this man would have been a let down, and lo and behold he has delivered. When it comes to stirring up a storm in a tea cup, he is a natural. Unlike Afridi though, Shoaib is articulate, and his points dive into grey and debatable areas instead of being dismissed as tripe.

What did he have to say in the aptly titled "Controversially Yours"? Does he make a point or is he simply a bag of wind?

1. Sachin and Dravid Are Not Match Winners

In Dravid's case, total nonsense. He single handedly won games for India in both forms of the game and was often the last man standing amongst dominoes. To suggest that Dravid "didn't know the art of finishing the game" is nothing more than a cheap shot at the great man. Credibility 0/10.

Above the belt pelase. © Getty Images

In Sachin's case though, maybe he has a point. Sachin through the nineties was a frustrated lone figure who got nil support from his inept team mates. You can't fault him for being unable to do it all alone, everybody else were looking after their own pockets. The Sachin of the 00's was a different figure though, he finally had adequate batting backup and was allowed to pile up the runs carefully. Guilty of being a run glut, yes. Guilty of not winning matches, it can also be argued. He has far less Dravid's and Laxman's in his innings vault. Credibility 5/10.

2. Sachin Was Scared Of Him.
Rubbish. This is the guy who manfully fought Wasim & Waqar, Lee & McGrath, Ambrose & Walsh, Steve Bucknor... the list goes on. While not always coming off the winner of the battles, never ever backed down, be it 16 or 36 years old. Why should he be scared of Shoaib? Has he forgotten the 03 World Cup? Credibility 0/10.

3. The IPL Cheated Him
Believable, and he won't be the last. The IPL is built on a foundation of masses, greed and corruption. He joined a team run by an arrogant Bollywood star in a tournament run by an arrogant nobody Lalit Modi. With a set-up like that, it was inevitable. A paint job will only cover the cracks in a dam, soon this whole circus will be flooded by a crashing wave. Shoaib should have known better than to take part. Credibility 8/10.

4. Everyone Ball Tampers
Correction, Pakistan ball tampers. And no it shouldn't be legal, where do you draw the line, a maximum fingernail length in the ICC code of conduct? My only hope is that the pioneers of swing such as Imran aren't exposed to have resorted to dirty methods in the past, although I get the feeling it just may happen. Credibility 8/10.

Michael Jackson impersonations are perfectly legal though. © AFP

5. Shoaib Malik Shouldn't Have Been Captain
A stab at his own team mate? Only he would dare, but again he actually has a point here. Malik was an above average ODI batsman at best, with a shaky test career and a dodgy bowling action, with an eye for female tennis players. Why was he made captain? On paper it looks like a nothing decision, possibly influenced by those that favoured Malik. But in reality one must also consider that Pakistani teams were often unstable and a logical choice for captain was not always clear. Again debatable. Credibility 7/10.

6. He Was Humiliated

Shoaib didn't spare anyone, even lashing out at Wasim Akram and partially blaming him for not fulfilling his career to its potential. I'm not sure how big a part politics played, but they were certainly present as he was inexplicably robbed of a swansong finish against India in the World Cup semi final. It must be said though that despite whatever corruption and vendettas he may have had to face, he was an unlikeable and destructive person to begin with. Most of what we had to put up with was a result of his own actions and he has nobody to blame. Credibility 5/10.

Surprisingly all in all, the points Shoaib Akhtar made in his autobiography were not entirely a load of pies. While dealing out low blows to Indian batsman, he dealt to his former team mates and management with equal measure and venom. Will it have an impact? Probably not, Shoaib Akhtar lashing out is really about as credible as...

This. © Getty Images

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Dear Ravi Shastri, Please Shut Up

With the Indian team crumbling into a miserable heap at the hands of the English seamers, perhaps the time was ripe for an off-field battle between some of the big heads from either camp. But before we get to that, lets make a few things clear about the status quo:

  1. India have no excuses. Losing Zaheer Khan is probably the only piece of bad luck they may rue. Apart from that this is (more or less) a full strength Indian line-up.
  2. India are not number one. And in fact they never were, they only ended up there as a temporary place holder in the lack of a true champion team.
  3. England could be the real deal. The England's of the past would flatter to deceive, winning an important series before falling flat in those that follow. Not this one it seems, and once they get their ODI game in order, who knows... the next Australia?
But now to the point of the article. 

The Bombing of Pearl Harbor

Nasser Hussain, renowned for having a rather big mouth, made it clear what he thought when Harbhajan was unfairly given out lbw with a big inside edge. His two cents worth included “using incomplete DRS is disgraceful by BCCI”, as he correctly said that Harbhajan could have been there if complete DRS was allowed, and that hotspot is in fact less accurate than the ball tracking system, and yet India have opted for that. 

Granted the choice of words are not politically correct, Hussain is more or less right. But this is a very unflattering stick thrust smartly into the BCCI bee hive. How dare he criticize the big shots of India! 

The Atomic Bomb

The rebuttal, came from Mr Ravi Shastri. He struck back with this:

"They are jealous about the way the Indian Premier League is going. They are jealous about where India is in world cricket.
"They are jealous about the fact that India are world champions. They are jealous because of the money being made by the Indian cricket board.
"The bottom line is that they have never been bloody No 1 in the world in Test cricket.
"So don't criticise unless you have been there and know."
Do you Mr Shastri really think that India is *that* good? That they can flat out accuse someone of being jealous of their cricketing abilities, their money and even more laughably, the IPL? Take a good look at how this series is going sir, and learn some humility and respect. It is 2-0 and looking like 3-0 at the moment. Your commentary sounded like you were at a funeral as it was so depressing to see your beloved team being so soundly trounced. Tim Bresnan, the England number 9, is straight driving your best bowlers like they are club level rookies.

Your "bloody no 1 in the world" are playing like the no 1 joke. Beating a few teams on flat decks by out-batting them does NOT make a world number one team, and you will find out in due course don't you worry about that. Here's a fact, if it weren't for the soon-to-retire VVS Laxman and Rahul Dravid, India would be third at best. They would have lost to the West Indies. 

I used to think you were one of the few grounded and well informed Indian commentators, how wrong I was. You are just as delusional and arrogant as the rest of the muppets you are surrounded by. Funnily enough, as arrogant as they were, did you see the Australian commentators openly brag about how good they are? No. They only beat teams to a pulp and let the scoreboard talk.

Ravi Shastri, grow up and shut up.

Friday, June 17, 2011

West Indies vs India - Series Review

An interesting series indeed! Rather than dawdle towards a predicted 5-0 whitewash, given how useless the West Indies are on paper, they showed some serious mettle and turned in a respectable 3-2 loss. India, sending in a B team, will be happy with the series win, but at what cost? Lets review the highlights.

Pace and Bounce!
Lo and behold not every pitch is a dead batting track! What a difference it makes when Roach and Russell are steaming in with a purpose, threatening to bash a few helmets and rip out a few fingers. We saw glimpses of the good old days, and the Indian batsman, barring few, were absolutely clueless.

The likes of Dhawan, Tiwary and Badrinath are big scorers back at home, here they look like school kids, fending away nervously and having neither the technique nor the temperament to survive. We saw this in the World Twenty 20 last year, and we saw it again. Give them a real pitch with real bowlers, and they have no idea.

Some West Indies Batting Spunk
Well its about time we saw a couple of young West Indians throwing the bat around and digging themselves out the rot. Some preferred to keep batting in slow motion (Samuels, Sarwan), but those who took some initiative a la Lendl Simmons and Andre Russell, really pulled the West Indies out of the moat. Russell in particular is a real delight to watch, a young whippersnapper with the right attitude and plenty of that famous West Indian swagger. A big future prospect.


The Michael Jackson of cricket is born. © Associated Press


The New Spin Doctors
Amit Mishra topped the wickets tally for both sides with a great economy rate of 3.98. He made the West Indian top order look extremely silly, and with Bhajji and Ashwin contributing next to nothing with the ball, he could well have cemented himself a spot. A new boy in the West Indies, Anthony Martin also made his mark with eight wickets and some hilarious press conference swagger. "Nobody destroys me on my pitch" he says, and its about time!

The Report Cards
And so The Cricket Musings will now play headmaster and grade the performances.

West Indies
Lendl Simmons - (7). A real trier, as he showed against Pakistan also. This puts him above most of his peers already.
Kirk Edwards - (2). Absolutely woeful, and should never be seen again.
Adrian Barath - (no score)
Ramnaresh Sarwan - (7). Somehow ended up with the most runs with an average of 54. He is nowhere near the old Sarwan but started to find his prime in game five.
Darren Bravo - (6). A frustrating player given that he is supremely talented. One hopes that he only needs time to become one of the moderns greats.
Marlon Samuels - (5). Good to see him back but only showed glimpses of his talented self. Needs to convert his starts.
Kieron Pollard - (6). Has the potential to become the West Indian Flintoff, if he just gets his priorities in order.
Carlton Baugh - (6). Gets more points for trying to at least build an innings and stick around. Formed some crucial partnerships and was handy with the gloves.
Darren Sammy - (3). As a bits and pieces player, he is contributing far too little and is quickly becoming a dead weight.
Andre Russell - (9). The find of the tournament. Not only did he belt more runs than most of the 'batsmen', he chimed in with eight wickets and lively pace. Another star in the making, we hope.
Dwayne Bravo - (2). Turned up for two matches when he needn't have. Go back to the IPL.
Danza Hyatt - (1). Two innings and one run. Goodnight.
Ravi Rampaul - (4). A mixed bag before being strangely rested for the remainder of the series.
Anthony Martin - (7). Eight wickets and a great attitude to boot. Another good find.
Devendra Bishoo - (5). Showed us how useful he is after a good world cup, but needs more game time.
Kemar Roach - (6). Didn't get many wickets, but Roach was key in getting the Indians hopping around.

India
Parthiv Patel - (5). Showed that he is handy at the top, but starts are not good enough.
Shikhar Dhawan - (3). Was awful with his 'defend-or-slog' mentality. Should not be seen again at this level.
Virat Kohli - (7). Lack of UDRS and the constant hailing as 'the future of Indian cricket' didn't help him. Be quiet and let the man bat.
S. Badrinath - (2). Atrocious technique against the short ball, again a huge reminder of the gap between Ranji Trophy and real cricket.
Manoj Tiwary - (2). Equally bad, will not make runs outside of India.
Rohit Sharma - (8). A huge learning curve and without him, India could have lost this 5-0. He needs more chances.
Suresh Raina - (3). Irresponsibly poor shot selection in crucial stages. Certainly no leader with the bat.
Yusuf Pathan - (1). Shocker. Badly needs a reminder that not every match is the IPL, and maybe some meditation.
Harbhajan Singh - (6). Steady with the ball and hard to get away. But as usual no wickets.
Praveen Kumar - (6). Really gets the ball to talk, and will be a good foil for Zaheer Khan.
Amit Mishra - (8). Great bowling, ensuring that the clueless West Indian top order could not build a solid total.
R. Ashwin - (4). Disappointing show, and completely outclassed by Mishra.
Munaf Patel - (8). Had my doubts about him, but he proved me wrong with accurate, no-nonsense bowling.
R. Vinay Kumar - (no score)
Ishant Sharma - (2). Is this really the same Ishant who had Ponting hopping around? A ghost.

So just for fun, lets average out these scores:
West Indies - 5.01 / 10
India - 4.64 / 10

Conclusion: These are two seriously bad teams.

It is wishful thinking, but by some miracle the poor standard of cricket might inspire the cricket boards and lazy players to actually turn up next time and make this the showpiece event it could have been. But given recent events, anything of the sort is only a distant dream.

A dream where Gayle isn't just a spectator with bad hair. © AFP

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

On 'Retirements', Misplaced Priorities and Crazy Selectors

Cricket is never free of controversy. As Sri Lanka blunder their way to a ridiculous test defeat (more on that to come), and Team Dhoni, the only real team, defeat Chris Gayle to take away the IPL championship, there has been plenty of other fun things happening under the carpet.

Afridi Retires
Pakistan cricket needs to redefine this word. According to most of us and our dear friend Google, it is "(an athlete) Ceasing to play competitively"Ceasing, meaning that's it, no more, zip, get the retirement cake. However, retirements in Pakistan are more like a self imposed holiday, often based around a money political problem and a resulting desperate plea for help. A real employer would tell them to find another job.

If only.

Shahid Afridi is the latest to 'conditionally retire' (!) until a new cricket board is in place. In other words, blackmail. Notice the strategic placement, Pakistan after this current Ireland series do not have a single confirmed tour in the months to come. A great time to 'retire' and create a ruckus against the PCB about your lack of money humiliation.

Tendulkar Refuses the West Indies
This is a wildly divided opinion. Some say if there is anyone in world cricket who is allowed to be choosy about his international tours, it is Sachin Tendulkar. Given all those dark years in the nineties he braved through single handedly, the man is allowed a break and special favors given his invaluable service to Indian cricket.

And then there are the other guys who go on to say that Tendulkar should be a role model for the game and pick international commitments over the IPL clown fest. This is twice he has done it, he gave up the last World Twenty 20 tournament after an IPL season, and now he is doing the same to rob the West Indian locals of a last glimpse at the man's talents. How can a young Pollard learn to get his priorities right when the legends of the game are doing exactly the same thing? There can be no other motivation other than money, of which Tendulkar has plenty of surely.

This is the side of the fence that I also sit on. Where do you sit?

He sides with the Money Mumbai Indians © AFP

And Finally... The WCB Strike Again
And we thought the PCB had issues. Still no Chris Gayle or Shiv Chanderpaul, and only the ghost of Sarwan remains in the team. Despite the fact that their two best players are fit and able, as Gayle showed us in a brutal 'in your face' display at the IPL (the best thing by far the IPL had to offer), Gayle is still left out of the squad to face India. Now I am no cricket board, but surely I need a long hard look at myself if I am in complete refusal to pick the only two players who can win you matches.

Often left bemused and devoid of an answer, this time I do offer a solution.

Sack them all.

Make Gayle captain. Start again. ... And hire Micheal Holding as a technical advisor.