The Super Smash Conundrum

In the continual flood of domestic T20 hooey raining upon us all year wide; athletes formerly known as cricketers strut about in coloured pyjamas engaging in high powered baseball cricket.  It's been on for a few years now, and with time it became clear that the IPL and the Big Bash reign supreme among the various PLs' in Pakistan, Bangladesh, The Caribbean and England.

But more importantly, and rather sadly, it became clear which of these tournaments didn't rise to the top, New Zealand's very own fast food variety, the Super Smash.

While one might not be a resounding advocate of T20, we have to accept it exists, it's here to stay, and even may even go as far as deserving its place as an energetic crowd-pull over a couple of lazy beers.

Our flavour is no different to the rest of the leagues, in theory at least; a series of domestic level teams tearing apart a torrent of bowling mediocrity, partaken on postage stamps as each forgettable match follows another until we have an equally forgettable 'champion'.

The difference is, our version is dead; but perhaps with a bit of foresight and imagination it doesn't have to be this way.

Two ways we can instantly fix it:

1. Bring In The People
Granted, it's not easy to plan around an international calendar for all three formats of the game, but there needs to be a deliberate effort made to get a T20 window blocked out. Guess what already found success in New Zealand? Rugby Sevens and Auckland Nines. 

Putting the fun in fun-sized, the heavily concentrated and time-boxed events worked wonders simply because they were easy to plan for and commit to; they packed a quick punch and it was over with without saturating it's potential.

Could this work for cricket? In T20 absolutely.

A one month tournament is insanely long, we simply do not have the spectator base to hold up that level of interest.  Trim it to a week.  

We only have six teams and have the ability to crack through two games a day - no different to a day out during a regular ODI match. If everyone plays each other once, that's 15 games + 1 final, easily done.  Turn each venue into a real carnival; milk it with fan zones, player meets, and the sureshot option of handing out free stuff.  Why not dish out free data spots offered by a happy sponsor?

Unlike vanilla cricket this is the chance to get creative, at the moment there simply isn't enough imagination.

2. Bring In The Players
Now that there's bums on seats, we need action.  The lack of cricketing star power has plagued our domestic competition for decades, there simply never is enough emotional investment.

Now with all due respect to the Carl Cachopas' and Scott Kuggeligns' of our world, the future of our sport needs to be playing alongside our top graders to develop themsleves and importantly truly get our attention. The team sheets are simply not magnetic enough to register on most radars.   We gamely try to give the competition TV & radio coverage, but this is all akin to Roger Federer's presence in Auckland in 2000. A diamond in the making is simply a lump of rock.

What do we really want to see?

We want to see Brendon McCullum ruthlessly charging Trent Boult, the way he audaciously attacked Dale Steyn and Mitchell Johnson.  Boult retaliates, rapping one into his ribs, McCullum then tries to counter but it nips back in a touch and he loses his pegs. Our country's best bowler versus our most lunatic batsman, now that I'll make time for.

How about Ish Sodhi fire through Ross Taylor like a hot curry with that wicked wrong'un, fresh after a couple of Taylor patented slog sweeps have disappeared into the banks.   Will a Tim Southee yorker land or get hit clean out of the ground by Martin Guptill?  Does the old fox Daniel Vettori still have a trick or two, or will the forgotten Jesse Ryder bash him out of the attack?

The Super Smash, should, have your answers. At the moment it's not asking questions.

If you start to introduce stakes to the game, then you might attract more riches - the Pollards' and Pietersens' of the world.  Get enough West Indians here and you might even get Chris Gayle touching NZ soil in the one format he really cares about.  Now there's a crowd puller.

Why not throw in a mandatory couple of under-19 players?  Cash in on a bit of free talent exposure.



These little encounters are the stuff of cricket, especially this brand of cricket.  It is designed to be grandiose and gladiatorial; what use is that without gladiators?

Cricket Max made the same mistake two decades ago, remember Carl Bulfin anyone? 

Matt Renshaw - The Return of the Gritty Opener

Something bizarre happened last week, a test match batsman left the ball.

Left the ball? What is this, the 70s? Where are the boundaries, the DLF maximums? What is this nonsense about batting time! Leaving deliveries that should be left, putting the flashy garbage in the cupboard. Didn't Matt Renshaw get the memo? This is not cricket!

I jest, of course it is.

Let us compare him to that nutter David Warner, a player intent only on his damn-the-torpedoes crash and bang approach. No disregard to context and circumstance. Hey, it's earned him an average of 48, what's wrong with that? Honestly, probably nothing. In this day and age with our ridiculous batting tracks and lowered bowling standard, heave-ho test cricket actually works.

But if we take him back 20 years ago, and he would have averaged about 28, mincing about quietly at domestic level. Warner would have been clueless facing the likes of Ambrose, Walsh, Donald, Was & Waq, the entire Australian attack. Especially if the ball talks and the pitch misbehaves. The apparent "Modern" cricketers of his ilk would have been nothing but fodder in the yesteryear, including fellow T20 experts Martin Guptill and Rohit Sharma, cut from the same cloth.

© thehindubusinessline.com

That's not to say attacking cricket doesn't work. Viv Richards and Adam Gilchrist were geniuses of their time for being able to maintain a colourful strike rate while clad in whites, turning entire matches on it's head in a mere session. But the difference is that they had to combat genuine pace, quality swing, horrendous spin and alien conditions all the time.

Virender Sehwag tonking Murali and Mendis around was pure joy when no other Indian that day could even get the ball off the square. It's no fun if everyone else is whacking centuries too.

That's all changed. This breed is allowed to bat with utter disregard of what the ball might do, simply because most of the time the ball will do absolutely nothing. Watch the way modern batsman thump their front foot down, pre-determine the ball's trajectory, and swing their caveman-esque batting clubs away.

They could do it blindfolded, with the right timing. Without this ability to judge so easily, Dhoni's last over mad glory swings would result in flying stumps instead. It's baseball cricket, and it leaked into the five-day format.

We all love Ross Taylor, but hammering 290 in Perth is just insulting to the 18-year-old Tendulkar, who's century is worth 500 in comparison. It was a plain stupid match containing four centuries and two doubles, two high-quality seam attacks reduced to dust.

Is it their fault? Not at all. They are a product of the times, engineered out of the senseless thirst for fewer wickets and more whack. You play what's in front of you, and that's certainly not the fault of batsman cashing in.

But there is a larger problem, now we have a kid named Renshaw who actually wants to play for stumps, protect his wicket, leave anything not worth touching and force the bowler to do all the work. Sunil Gavaskar once said, the first hour always belongs to the bowler, and the rest belongs to him. The old-fashioned ideas of settling down, getting your eye in have slowly become obsolete. Mark Richardson did it and was appreciated, Akash Chopra did it and was discarded permanently in favour of another flat track robot Yuvraj Singh, a hopeless test match player.

The insanity in the commentary box summed up the bizarre situation, fellow stone-waller Mark Taylor and his blissfully clueless Channel 9 crew slammed Renshaw for "not getting on with it", while the aforementioned Warner and their captain threw their wickets away in typically idiotic fashion. Remember this is a team that was bowled out for less than 200 twice in the series, and there was a full day's play left to get the winning runs.  Renshaw saw off 183 deliveries for one dismissal, we were regarding someone finally with the stomach for a fight, and he's hung out to dry? Ludicrous.

His partnership with Usman Khawaja for practically zero runs on day one was a massive reason Australia was even allowed to build a score. His second innings ensured that the run chase was secured at least on one end. His die-hard mindset, regardless of a few play and misses, had Abbott and Rabada frustrated, two men who were otherwise raking in wickets for fun.

By taking away the commonplace batting-mistake mode of dismissal, Renshaw, and similarly, the freshly introduced Haseeb Hameed & Jeet Raval, are forcing the opposition to produce a jaffa to remove them, asking them to earn their wicket. Immediately the initiative was back on the batsman, 90% of the balls delivered weren't going to trouble them. The bowling quality was forcibly raised and in turn the value of quality shots. It was refreshing to see the brief return of smart cricket.

But sadly, here's what might happen. Renshaw will stick around for now given that Australia finally won a test match, but times will get tough again and his gritty 30s and 40s will be overlooked simply through the numbers game. There's always a flat pitch around the corner for Warner to keep his stocks healthy, at the end of the day selectors will look at raw averages and discard this young bloke.

A shame, because Day 1 of the Adelaide Test delivered that wonderful slow burning drama that a full IPL season could never deliver.

When Kiwi's Soared Above India

My initial prediction of 4-1 to New Zealand was met mostly with polite ridicule. Against the world number one ranked team? The World Cup and Champions Trophy holders no less? Blasphemous.

Courtesy of Sir Jadeja I narrowly missed out, 4-0 however at least landed in the right ball park!

But why would anybody have backed New Zealand?

The Hesson-McCullum partnership is really onto something, despite it starting off with the Taylorgate scandal. Since then Taylor is back and poking his tongue out more than ever and that's not all, New Zealand have constructed a team based on consistent selections, depth in all positions, and a splash of genuine pace along with the usual outstanding fielding and sportsmanship.

© Getty

In the bad old days they only had fielding and sportsmanship, but now this team is a threat in all three formats. With the World Cup around the corner and that too at home, everybody should be on their guard against this dark horse of cricket that might just steal the show.

So what's wrong with the Indians?

India was not terrible unlike the 2002 tour. They were not terrible at all, rather they were the textbook definition of average.

Two guys showed up:

• Superstar Virat continuing his seemingly never-ending purple patch, arrogantly dismissing cricket balls from his presence while independent of his world GPS co-ordinates.
• Captain Cool ensured his average was as cool as ever despite required run rates blowing up faster than the population of Bangalore.

The rest mostly indulged in a performance of collective nothingness:

• Rohit Sharma! Fresh from an ODI double century! Dealing in binary scoring shots with the occasional slog for 6.  Average 29.00, strike rate 71.78
• Shikadhawan! Man of the Champions Trophy! Seems to have left his mojo somewhere in England. Average 20.25, strike rate 66.94
• Project Raina! Ready to cement the #4 position! Oh wait they gave up on that bright idea last tour... Average 28.00
• Ajinkya Rahane! .... who? Average 10.20, strike rate 58.62

Add to the recipe some expensive, listless bowling and you have one very bland cake topped with some amazing Kohli flavoured icing. It says a lot when one Kiwi on debut took more wickets in one match than every Indian bowler (bar one) in the entire series.

Where are Yuvraj Singh and Zaheer Khan? India would not have won the World Cup without them. Dinesh Karthik? Cheteshwar Pujara? Superior players forced to make way for Delhi and Chennai Super Kings buddies.

This is not the best Indian team. This is a collection of flat deck supermen. They can hammer down 400 at will provided everything is tailor made for them, but can be pretty clueless otherwise.  

What Will Happen Now?

When the dust settles, this series will be talked about as little as possible in India and a nice friendly home series will be set up to make up for lost batting averages.

There are two test matches coming up, and New Zealand are proving they are no slouches there either in recent times. India are still stronger on paper.

Will India redeem themselves or go home without a single victory?

Oh Black Caps... How Ye Flatter to Deceive

It was a cool winters evening in New Zealand and here I was, a humble supporter tuning into the late night cricket, brimming with optimism at the prospect of chasing down a reachable 239 to achieve glorious victory at Lords.  We had come fresh of a hard fought 0-0 stalemate at home with the 'moral victory' (if such a thing counts for anything at all), the apple was ripe for the picking to give it back to the motherland at no other than the home of cricket itself.

Mere minutes later alas, it was 29-6 at lunch and I amongst the few cheering the visitors on had no choice but to cave in and choose the infinitely more comforting warmth of the bedsheets.

What happened?

It seems we were due for a moment of madness after three and a half tests worth of quality cricket, which is usually about three and a half more than what is normally produced. Despite all the doom and gloom that has triggered memory loss amongst most fans for the months before this ill fated match, there is room for optimism.

1. Captain B-Mac
There were all sorts of shenanigans during the Ross Taylor vs Brendon McCullum saga as the battle between the humble crowd favourite and the cocky aggressor raged on. Every armchair critic and talk back caller had an ill opinion usually directed against the latter due to the poor handling of Taylor.

Seriously, you want this guy?  © Getty

But it is the latter who prevailed, and dare I say for the better. Yes he is cocksure and smarmy, but he's also an innovator as opposed to a reactor. When he came on board things started happening, he and Hesson have ensured us consistent selections, an aggressive mini-Australian attitude and the best use of McCullum with the bat, with middle order blasts as opposed to all or nothing approach when opening.

Under him we have seen an ODI series victory in South Africa and the 8th ranked black caps giving it to the 2nd ranked English. We needed a leader, not a nice guy. Yes we have seen a fair amount of crap with it, but ranging between extremes is still better than a constant hopeless lull of mediocrity.

2. An actual fast bowling unit
We can thank our bowling coach Shane Bond for this one. How is it that a nation of green tops couldn't produce seamers for years? Perhaps they were always there but we didn't know how to unearth them (or in the case of Neil Wagner, import them from South Africa). Suddenly we have three seamers with a bit of pace to go with their swing ability and we have Tim Southee bowling like a spearhead and not a buffoon with a big mouth.

Most importantly from a New Zealand perspective they are young and fit, the keyword being fit as Kiwi bowlers break down faster than Auckland's public transport.

3. What about the batsman?
Kane Williamson is a class act and will be the best thing we have produced since sliced bread and Martin Crowe. We have the hit and miss whackjobs of Taylor and McCullum but honestly little else. The others will have their days along with a few too many off days along side that. And when they all have an off day... well that is when 68 all out happens.

The Bottom Line
New Zealand will not be #8 for long, mark my words.  This is slowly becoming the best test team we have produced since the days of the early 2000s when we were sticking it to the Aussies and the English through Nathan Astle mutilating cricket balls and Shane Bond cricket bails.

So heres to better days than day 4 at Lords 2013.

If Cricketers Were Cartoon Characters

Thank you IPL, for grinding cricket down to a screeching halt.

This is the time of year where instead of the *real* game we have an exhibition of cricket ball abuse featuring teams tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum while us poor fans and purists have been forced to revisit our old highlights collections, banish cricinfo.com to the wilderness, and suffer severe writers block.

Devoid of inspiration, what must the dear old blogger resort to?

Trivia!

Some months ago there was an internet obsession with dopplegangers, or lookalikes. Unfortunately most of the time it was clutching on straws, heck people tell me I look like Jehan Mubarak, big deal. And truth be told human to human lookalikes are a tad boring, so we see the same person twice... we've seen twins before and not the Schwarzenegger-deVito kind either.

So instead I present to you, animated and cartoon contemporaries of famous (and not so famous) cricketers of recent times.

Ryan Sidebottom is Sideshow Bob
While one plotted to destroy Bart Simpson, the other plotted to destroy New Zealand batting line-ups.

  

Darren Lehmann is Shrek
The team even nick-named him Shrek, so everyone is in on this one.

 

Ross Taylor is Diddy Kong
Aw how cute (not you Ross).

 

Darren Sammy is Evil Majin Buu
Armed with the goal of world domination, though with slightly different methods.





James Franklin is Jon Arbuckle
The ultimate bland-face.

 


Scott Styris is Beaker
Its the upside-down mouth that does it?


 

And my personal favourite.

Shoaib Akthar is Gollum
The freaky eyes, the whispy hair... stumps or hobbit alike nobody can deny what is preciousss to them.

 



Care to add, agree or disagree?

The Cricket World Cup 2011 Oscars

Its awards time at The Cricket Musings! This is an opportunity to commemorate the stand out performances of the 2011 world cup, be it good, bad or quirky. The judge and jury will be yours truly, however no physical awards will be handed out, as we believe cricketers are paid quite enough. Lets begin.

The Most Annoying Celebration Award
Winner - Harbhajan Singh
Removed Afridi in the semi-final with an off-stump full toss that deserved to be smashed over extra cover for six. We saw instead the token Afridi miscue, and Bhajji going off in a bizarre screaming, head twirling, seizure style celebration. Most of his wickets in the tournament came off average to rubbish deliveries.

Honorable Mention
The famous Afridi "bow before me" pose.


The Dodgy Hairstyle Award
Winner - Sreesanth
An horrid cross between Don King and Edward Scissorhands. After playing two games and getting tonked everywhere, this is the only accolades he will get.

Boo. © AFP

The Two-Face Award
Winner - Ross Taylor
The man who turned it all around for New Zealand. Should have been out twice, and looked woeful for most of his innings, before unleashing a hulk style assault on the hapless Pakistanis. Never before had I seen such a dramatic turn around in one mans innings.

Honorable Mentions

Umar Gul - From demon to deck scrubber in no time at all. Picked the worst game to do it as well.

Kamran Akmal - Also made the quick switch from iron gloves to good keeper, no surprises to see two Pakistani's nominated for this one.

The Houdini Award
Winner - Ireland
Ireland were fighting hard chasing a huge total, but never looked like winning at the halfway stage, with the odds 400-1 for an Irish win. Enter big burly Kevin O'Brien, who unleashed an onslaught so unbelievable it became the grandstand for the biggest upset of the world cup.

Honorable Mention
New Zealand - Didn't deserve to even get close against a South Africa side that appeared to be cruising along. Enter some brilliant catching, fielding and sledging, and the gritty Kiwi's sent the highly fancied team packing.

The Anticlimax Award
Winner - Pakistan
For their failure to turn up in what should have been the match of the tournament. Thank you for ruining the match with atrocious fielding and shot selection, and also for robbing Shoaib Akhtar of a final hurrah. I have massive doubts over the legitimacy of all this, but that can of worms can be opened another day. Special mention also to Razzaq, who disappointingly didn't produce any batting miracle we know he can give us.


The Irony Award
Winner - Saeed Ajmal and Harbhajan Singh
For delivering a perfect doosra to the very man who endorsed it. Poetic really.


The Umpire Howler Award
Winner - Amiesh Saheba
For denying Nathan McCullum what was a clean catch, and costing New Zealand crucial momentum in that match. Disgraceful.

Honorable Mention - Bruce Oxenford
The Gary Wilson situation, where the batsman was deemed to have not been playing a shot and given LBW, though he clearly was. Don't blame the technology, blame the moron behind it. Secondly, why not just do away with this stupid rule, if the ball will hit the stumps, it will hit the stumps. Period.


Best Quote
Winner - Waqar Younis
When asked the difference between Kamran Akmal and Michael Jackson, i.e. they both wear gloves for no reason, the reply was "The difference is one is dead". Brilliant, albeit not very politically correct.

Honorable Mention - Darren Sammy
Putting Graeme Swann's typical English whining in it's place, "... if there is dew, just get a towel and wipe the ball, simple".

The Sammy Swagger never made it on the field though. © Getty Images

Best Piece Of Fielding
Winner - Chris Mpofu
For a stunning throw from the boundary that crashed into the stumps and sent a comfortable Ponting on his way. Inadvertently led to a poor LCD TV feeling Punters wrath.

Honorable Mentions
Nathan McCullum - For that aforementioned catch that was wrongly denied.
Jesse Ryder - For a stunning diving catch that sent the dangerous Upul Tharanga on his way. Big man or not, he can move all right.
Jacob Oram - The catch that turned the match. Removing Kallis in the quarter final was one of the huge blows for South Africa. Notice how there are three kiwi's on this list?


Best Bowling Performance
Winner - Dale Steyn 5 wickets for 50 runs vs India
Blew away the hapless Indian lower order to bring back South Africa from what should have been a slaughtering. He is a brilliant fast bowler wasted on dead tracks.

Honorable Mentions
Tim Bresnan 5 for 48 vs India  - Similar situation to Steyn, crucially held it together to ensure that the Indian onslaught did not end up at 400.
Ravi Rampaul 5 for 51 vs India - Awesome performance for a man who was initially left out, it should have been a match winning one too.
Shahid Afridi 4 for 34 vs Sri Lanka - This performance in Sri Lanka's back yard was a towering pillar on the night, amazing how it all just disappears when it counts the most.


Best Individual Innings
Winner - Kevin O'Brien 113 vs England
Incredible stuff from the big man against the old enemy. World records aside, what made this knock special was the underdog context behind it.

Honorable Mentions
Mahela Jayawardene 103 vs India - Beautifully crafted this innings with only silken, delightful stroke-play and deserved to be a winning masterpiece.
Ross Taylor 134 vs Pakistan - As mentioned earlier, this incredible innings seemed to restore the hunger and self belief that drove New Zealand to the semi finals.
Virender Sehwag 175 Bangladesh - The warning to the world. Sehwag got the revenge he desired by bullying a capable Bangladeshi attack on their home turf.
Andrew Strauss 158 vs India - A classy, correct innings that got the world to notice England, too bad he got reduced to a bumbling mess in their quarter final exit.

Best Utility
Winner - Yuvraj Singh 
Put away all the flashy stuff and eased himself to controlled, match winning half centuries. Also had the golden arm in the tournament, putting Bhajji to shame by bowling tight, getting turn and picking up timely wickets. Even his fielding was back to his younger days (almost).

Honorable Mentions
The New Zealand Team - They are the definition of utility players. A failure with the bat or ball doesn't mean the end of their day, and when the whole machine fits together, they are only a Crowe or a Hadlee short of a champion team.
Trent Johnson - Was his usual old self, tonking useful runs, taking sharp catches and snapping up crucial wickets. Records will never show how valuable this guy is.


Best Fielding Unit
Winner - New Zealand
By a country mile. Their catching and ground fielding was absolutely peerless, and South Africa more than anyone know the reward what brilliant fielding can bring. The difference between being a crashed out quarter finalist, and a respected semi-finalist.


Best Match
Winner - England vs Ireland
*That* match again, enough has been said about it already.

Honorable Mentions
India vs England - But for the underdog status of the Irish, this would have been the match of the tournament. 
India vs South Africa - Another frantic match that ebbed and flowed more than the stock markets. A real lesson on how to stop a batting juggernaut.
South Africa vs England - The choke that got them worried.
South Africa vs New Zealand - The choke that sent them home.


Best Overall Bowler
Winner - Zaheer Khan
By a country mile. He is no more the fiery quick of 2003 or the one who got manhandled by Tamim Iqbal in 2007. He has developed a Vaas-like guile and control to his bowling, and without him, India would not have won the world cup. Make no mistake about that.

Dishonorable Mention
Afridi may have equalled the wicket tally with Zaheer, but ripping through Canada and Kenya doesn't count, thank you very much.


Best Overall Batsman
Winner - Sachin Tendulkar
This choice was surprisingly easy. Dilshan may have more runs, but look at the context of the performances. Given the collapses that followed, the centuries against England and South Africa were invaluable. His half century against Australia was of the highest order, and as ugly as his Pakistan knock was, it was the difference between 260 and 160. Much like Zaheer, his presence was a big reason why India came out victorious.

The image that will be etched in the memories of 2011. © AFP

This tournament truly was a festival of cricket, providing the full array of skills and plenty of thrilling moments. Well done to the participants, for providing a fantastic and memorable world cup, be it through mighty ability, or moments of ineptitude. Farewell also to Muralitharan, who was one match shy of the grand exit he richly deserved.

World Cup 2011 - Indian Cricket Steyned

It was a boisterous and packed out Vidarbha Stadium, Nagpur. The Sehwag and Tendulkar train had taken off and the bollywood star-studded crowd created a cyclonic storm of noise and support. The obviously thrilled Indian commentators spoke of a 400 plus score, and things looked as bleak as ever for South Africa, in theory anyway.

Ah but then...
I can recall explicitly saying this game plan can fall apart with good bowling. I'm not always right, but I love it when I am. The axe finally came crashing down, at 267-1 in the 40th over, the most spectacularly mindless batting performance unfolded. They lost nine wickets for 29 runs. The first team in the world cup to truly meet the wrath of Dale Steyn.

2-267 (Tendulkar, 39.4 ov), 3-268 (Gambhir, 40.1 ov), 4-268 (Pathan, 40.3 ov),5-283 (Yuvraj Singh, 42.6 ov), 
6-286 (Kohli, 43.6 ov), 7-293 (Harbhajan Singh, 46.5 ov), 8-294 (Khan, 47.4 ov),
9-296 (Nehra, 48.3 ov), 10-296 (Patel, 48.4 ov)

And these numbers don't even tell the full story. Six of those were poor slogs straight to fielders, four came in the atrocity known as the batting powerplay, and during that period there was only solitary six, no other boundaries. The crowd was reduced to making Akmal faces in funeral silence.

Pictured: One seriously sick worm © Cricinfo.com

Now I am not a cynic, I don't want the Indians to crash and burn just for the heck of it, and I do feel sympathetic for Tendulkar. If they learn from their mistakes and become a better team for it, then I will rightfully praise them. Here is my advice to the team.

1. Ones And Twos
Especially at the death, you cannot 'Ross Taylor' every innings. When things are not going right, don't try and smash your way out of it, find the gaps and look for twos, they really do add up. India jogs the first run, therefore never capitalize on misfields. Michael Hussey and Michael Clarke are two prime examples of how it should be done, the odd boundary plus excellent running fetches eight an over without that same risk.


2. Stop Acting
Enough with the dancing in the dressing rooms, the exaggerated dives when taking simple catches, the noses-up walking with style. And don't even get me started on the body painting. Why not get the results first, and act 'cool' later. Unlike Bollywood, the lines are not rehearsed and there are no out-takes. If you mess up, you look like a clown, plain and simple.

Bollywood Brokeback? © Getty Images

3. Stop Trying To Be Australia

Especially with the tough guy stares, the sledges and the big talk. Australia back up their tenacity with the utmost skill, a culture developed over years of hard work. Last night especially I saw a few profanities being mouthed off. Its very easy to lose respect. At least New Zealand, when at times lacking anything else, get credit for playing with humility. The Australian attitude is not the aspiration, try the 70's West Indies instead.


4. Enough Worship And Bias
This is one is aimed at the spectators and the commentators.

• Sachin is not god.
• Munaf Patel is not McGrath (!).
• How many times can you say "outstanding shot" or "incredible batting" to a hoick over the infield?
• Seems every member of the top seven is "dangerous", "a class player" and a "big wicket".
• Rather than say "holed out to mid on", maybe give credit to the excellent Steyn slower ball bowled at Gambhir's body.
• You conveniently ignore the bad Indian fielding, full tosses or glory slogs, and sound depressed when it does happen.

Did I just say biased commentary, sounds very Australian! (The exception is Ravi Shastri). Without doubt the best commentators in world cricket are the English, bring on Bumble, not these bumblers. 

World Cup 2011 - Week 4 Preview

An even more bizarre week of cricket, now its impossible to predict anything. I'm not sure thats a good thing, I like to see a clear front runner that other teams aspire towards. Right now every team seems to be climbing over each other, scrambling for the prize, but nobody looks like getting there. It will be a photo finish.

Who wants it?

Power Rankings

1. India - For all their shortcomings and slackness, they have been getting the results. Given the lack of a clear front runner, they take the top spot for now, but I am waiting for the axe to fall.
2. Australia - We all missed out on what would have been a defining match against Sri Lanka. Too bad.
3. Sri Lanka - Looked good when dismantling Zimbabwe, but again Australia would have told much more.
4. South Africa - Came crashing off their perch after a super solid opening couple of weeks. The famous choke came earlier than usual though, a sign that they will get it right later? 
5. England - They have shown the stomach for a fight, but cannot keep only playing half the game. Poor loss to the Bangladeshi's. 
6. Pakistan - Delivered a rubbish performance to prove once again that there are no certainties with this team. Throw all logic out the window, you can't predict a thing with these guys.
7. West Indies - Were unconvincing but got home against the Irish, forming a good winning streak.
8. New Zealand - Well now where did that come from? Exploded into life in dramatic fashion and now there is another kid in the block. If they lose Vettori now though, that would be absolutely tragic.
9. Ireland - Again were impressive, but need to start converting these strong efforts into actual wins.
10. Bangladesh - Stormed back into life with an important victory over England. Pool A is very interesting all of a sudden.
11. Holland - Showed spirit against India, and I would really like to see the Dutch get more opportunities against the bigger nations.
12. Zimbabwe - The Australia performance early on is looking more like a flash in the pan, with no shows against Sri Lanka or New Zealand.
13. Canada - They're not a bad lot when they play collectively, and showed they belong in this cup, to some extent.
14. Kenya - The less said the better.

Key Matches

India vs South Africa

India's first truly big challenge. South Africa have the bowling resources to challenge India, and thats where the real battle will take place. This will be a charged up contest with both teams looking to top the table.

New Zealand vs Sri Lanka

The Blacks Caps volcano exploded into life, with Ross Taylor the catalyst. If they get on top of Sri Lanka they could (amazingly) finish top of the table. Sri Lanka are not Pakistan though, and the New Zealanders will not get K.Akmal gifts this time.

Potential Upsets

Pakistan vs Zimbabwe

I would never have said this a week ago, but given that Pakistan Hyde has reared its ugly head to accompany Pakistan Jekyll, you can expect anything. Even Canada gave them a good scare keeping them to 184, but lacked the batting to get them home. Zimbabwe is stronger in all departments. 

World Cup 2011 - Pakistan vs New Zealand (+ Kamran Akmal)

There is one word that accurately describes this match. 
Absurd. 


Lets take a quick internet field trip, absurdity is:

• inconsistent with reason or logic or common sense
• a ludicrous folly
• a word meaning ridiculous, commonly used by the character Snape

What am I talking about?
Lets recap.

The Absurd Taylor

Scratching and poking around like an absent minded gardener, Ross Taylor batted as if he wanted to be put out of his misery. Playing and missing, miscuing, and taking dodgy singles. Somehow (explained later) he had survived until the 46h over and was on an uncomfortable 76 off 111 balls with a freshly out-of-form Jacob Oram for company. 210 was all New Zealand had to show for their efforts so far.

Will the real Ross Taylor please stand up © Associated Press

But then came a burst that would make Jayasuriya proud. This was one of the most remarkable turn-arounds I have seen in any ODI innings, Taylor and Oram smashed a partnership of 85 runs off 22 balls, the last four overs producing a scarcely believable 92 runs. It included 6 fours and 10 sixes, throwing in five wides for good measure. Remember I am talking 4 overs here, and not against rubbish either, this was Shoaib, Razzaq and Rehman. Suddenly New Zealand had 302, and I am still shaking my head in disbelief. 

Of course this was helped by...

The Absurd Kamran

The word 'failure' in the dictionary should be replaced with a picture of Kamran Akmal. It must have taken some serious restraint for Shoaib Akhtar and Shahid Afridi to resist knocking his block off, after fluffing two regulation Ross Taylor catches. Thats centurion Ross Taylor... in the same over... when he was on 0 and 8. I said before that this man can cost Pakistan the world cup, today was proof.

And stay down. © Getty Images

He is an enigma. It is mind boggling beyond belief how a cricketer, who is hands down the worst wicketkeeper I've ever seen, can escape being dropped or banned (or worse). This guy seems to get away with destroying games and Danish Kaneria's test averages with only that same sheepish, idiotic expression to show for it. Its insulting for him to encourage his bowlers and fielders in the following overs, who is he to chirp up his teammates? If the man cared an ounce for Pakistani cricket, he would retire effective immediately and disappear to a dark corner of the planet and never be seen again.

I don't believe that Kamran's failures are down to pure lack of skill.
Make of that what you will.