There was a time where it was fun to root for England, namely when they went about toppling the unbeatable Australians in 2005. The underdogs beating the Aussies at their own game playing with aggressive swagger and style. It was great.
But that was nearly a decade ago. The so called English dominance of test cricket, brief as it was, is going through a painfully slow death where they can no longer play Ishant Sharma.
And they absolutely deserve it.
There is a difference between the once great Australia and the once "great" England. Australia were ridiculously good and they knew it, they could field three cricket teams who could blow apart anybody that dared to turn up. One would scream out for those precious moments when another team actually got the better of them (the aforementioned Ashes 2005, a prime example).
The Australians were deliciously, unapologetically arrogant.
But they were *not* obnoxious, and here lies the crux of the problem.
Despite the likes of McGrath, Lee, Warne, Hayden hissing and spitting at you on the field while butchering your so-called cricket team, off the field these guys were actually some of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. They were the ultimate oxymoron. (Well, other than Warne who continues to be a muppet).
But England were different. It was the English who threw jelly beans on the pitch during a test match against India, who had players turning up to training too drunk to throw a ball, who got drunk during a world cup and capsized a boat. One Australian was similar and he got banned for it, Symonds never got the leniency Flintoff or KP got.
But England were winning, and Swann was the new Warne, Prior the new Gilchrist, and some had the audacity to believe that Cook would one day beat Tendulkar's test match centuries record. Oh the cheek of it.
When the going got tough... the Australians reflected humbly and admitted hitting the bottom. They kept quiet, licked their wounds and bided their time. (Yes yes... other than Warne).
England's responses to the pressure in comparison has ranged from the cowardly to the ludicrous.
Lets look at the highlights:
The Top 5 English Prats:
KP the South African
Number five on the English hall of fame is none other than the polarising pillock himself. Playing only for himself, wrecking the dressing room and back stabbing his captain are among his favourite hobbies. Poor Andrew Strauss (idiotically, but truthfully) told the whole world what he thinks of KP, at least he gave us the refreshing reality. England might not be much good these days, but they're certainly better off without this guy.
Broad the Ghostbuster
The excuse for reaching all new levels of fail was a result of a haunted hotel room and being tormented by ghosts borrowing their bathroom sinks. No really.
Swann the Sprinkler
This goof was once (and probably still is) England's leading spinner. Wisely or not he decided to jump the sinking ship before his precious test averages took a real beating, like a true champion.
Anderson the Wet Blanket
Unlike your classic fast bowling spearhead, the once big talking and sledge flinging James Anderson was reduced to tears during a last minute loss to the Sri Lankans. This guy couldn't even get a word out during the post-match interview as he was struggling through his own sobbing. Sobbing!
Did you see Brett Lee and Kasprowicz bawling like babies when they famously lost the Edgbaston test with mere minutes to spare? Dejected yes, but they were not calling for the Wah-mbulance.
And our number one prize goes to...
Trott the Con
Faced against a reborn Mitchell Johnson, England's biggest loser trotted off home citing "stress related reasons". Which might have been acceptable if a) he didn't carry on like an unlikeable upstart previously and b) he had a real mental illness! He more or less admitted to faking it to get out, even his own Englishmen condemned this coward.
So In Conclusion....
I don't say this often but, go you mighty Indians go! Give the English a series defeat at home. Maybe they will go back to the dark day of the nineties, but at least they were gentlemen back then.
But that was nearly a decade ago. The so called English dominance of test cricket, brief as it was, is going through a painfully slow death where they can no longer play Ishant Sharma.
And they absolutely deserve it.
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The Australians were deliciously, unapologetically arrogant.
But they were *not* obnoxious, and here lies the crux of the problem.
Despite the likes of McGrath, Lee, Warne, Hayden hissing and spitting at you on the field while butchering your so-called cricket team, off the field these guys were actually some of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. They were the ultimate oxymoron. (Well, other than Warne who continues to be a muppet).
But England were different. It was the English who threw jelly beans on the pitch during a test match against India, who had players turning up to training too drunk to throw a ball, who got drunk during a world cup and capsized a boat. One Australian was similar and he got banned for it, Symonds never got the leniency Flintoff or KP got.
But England were winning, and Swann was the new Warne, Prior the new Gilchrist, and some had the audacity to believe that Cook would one day beat Tendulkar's test match centuries record. Oh the cheek of it.
When the going got tough... the Australians reflected humbly and admitted hitting the bottom. They kept quiet, licked their wounds and bided their time. (Yes yes... other than Warne).
England's responses to the pressure in comparison has ranged from the cowardly to the ludicrous.
Lets look at the highlights:
The Top 5 English Prats:
KP the South African
Number five on the English hall of fame is none other than the polarising pillock himself. Playing only for himself, wrecking the dressing room and back stabbing his captain are among his favourite hobbies. Poor Andrew Strauss (idiotically, but truthfully) told the whole world what he thinks of KP, at least he gave us the refreshing reality. England might not be much good these days, but they're certainly better off without this guy.
Broad the Ghostbuster
The excuse for reaching all new levels of fail was a result of a haunted hotel room and being tormented by ghosts borrowing their bathroom sinks. No really.
Swann the Sprinkler
This goof was once (and probably still is) England's leading spinner. Wisely or not he decided to jump the sinking ship before his precious test averages took a real beating, like a true champion.
 |
| Also proud winner of the "Most Punchable Face" award |
Anderson the Wet Blanket
Unlike your classic fast bowling spearhead, the once big talking and sledge flinging James Anderson was reduced to tears during a last minute loss to the Sri Lankans. This guy couldn't even get a word out during the post-match interview as he was struggling through his own sobbing. Sobbing!
Did you see Brett Lee and Kasprowicz bawling like babies when they famously lost the Edgbaston test with mere minutes to spare? Dejected yes, but they were not calling for the Wah-mbulance.
And our number one prize goes to...
Trott the Con
Faced against a reborn Mitchell Johnson, England's biggest loser trotted off home citing "stress related reasons". Which might have been acceptable if a) he didn't carry on like an unlikeable upstart previously and b) he had a real mental illness! He more or less admitted to faking it to get out, even his own Englishmen condemned this coward.
So In Conclusion....
I don't say this often but, go you mighty Indians go! Give the English a series defeat at home. Maybe they will go back to the dark day of the nineties, but at least they were gentlemen back then.
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