The 'Exciting' Future of Domestic T20 Cricket

It was a lovely morning when the president of the ICC woke up from a morning slumber greeted with a warm cup of mocha, and a personal letter outlining yet another amazingly successful T20 competition. This letter was from his Technical Advisor of Cricketing Innovations, the mastermind behind the IPL concept, super-subs and overseas cheerleaders.

It raised very real concerns about the future of our beloved T20 sport...

As successful as this newest, dominant brand of cricket is, we as innovators must continue to be one step ahead of the game and the fans, and ensure that we secure the future of our exciting brand. The gradual takeover of ODI and Test cricket is all but sealed, but our job is not done, our game needs more pop, more zing and more buzz, and here how we are going to do it:

One League to Rule Them All!
We combine the IPL, SLPL, BPL, BBL, EAPL, C20, A20 and HRV... and create what I call the "League of Leagues"... or "LOL" if you will. This will be a bi-annual six month event (see what I did there!) featuring ten teams from each league in a league of its own, producing a league table topper or 'league champion' for the league as well as 'league runner up' from each league.

These two teams from each league will form the LOL Champions League. It will feature a round robin which will produce a 'super league champion' before running into the playoffs section featuring the top 8 teams called the 'gold team league play-offs'. All (yes all) the remaining loser teams will be divided into 'silver team league play-offs' and 'wooden team league play-offs' to ensure nobody feels left out, and we will have three LOL champions every year and these three will play each other in a winner take all to unveil the 'platinum super league champion'.

More Exciting Teams!
Each team will forcibly consist of 4 local superstars, one of which will be the 'icon' player (obviously the most famous guy) who will also be the captain by default and he can never ever leave his team, ever. One of these five local superstars must be over 40, and one must be under 15. The rest of the team will be made up of 3 overseas superstars, 1 american baseball player, 1 Bollywood celebrity, 1 lucky lucky winner of the weekly LOL draw and 1 cheerleader.  The point is that we reach all possible target audiences.

Also, every team has a designated 'traitor' who can switch sides with the other 'traitor' at any stage of any game. This will really spice up the contest and in particular freshen up existing rivalries and create new ones in the process. For the first time we have the very real possibility of a superstar smashing a century to beat his first century!

More Runs!
We want more big hits, and there is an alarming number of sub 200 scores and lack of centuries in the current game. The situation is simply unacceptable, so I propose:

• Free hits are an underarm lob that must not bounce on the pitch at all. These can happen in the event of a front foot no ball, a back foot no ball, a left foot no ball, wides, byes, leg byes, bye byes, causing the batsman to miss the ball completely, and bowling over 140kph.
• A batsman missing the ball or scoring zero runs penalizes the batting team 2 runs.
• If the ball is hit in the air for longer than four seconds, it is automatically a six and he cannot be out caught. Each stadium will have a huge 'shot clock' to time these.
• Two fielders during power play overs, period.

More Drama!
A tied match will now feature a dance-off between the two bollywood celebrities of each team. Their performances will be ranked by the live audience who will each be given a key pad to cast their votes. The results will be updated on the big screen in *real time*.

© AFP

There will be 24x7 footage in the player dressing rooms as well as microphones to ensure we really get behind the scenes. Each week will also feature a 'spotlight player' who will be followed around all week to really get into the lifestyle and what it means to be a cricket superstar. We are also talking about weekly DVDs for fans to forever cherish their favourite off-the-field moments.

There will be an opening ceremony, a closing ceremony, a mid season street parade and fortnightly match parties. I have already talked to the local councils regarding the parades and they are already expressing their interest!

***

These are just some of the MANY ideas my committee of fifty have short listed, and believe me there will be more to come. Our strength as you know is our ability to innovate with edgy, crisp and new-age concepts. I look forward to hearing your feedback and can't wait to execute our new plans.


Having finished the letter and the mocha, the president of the ICC could only reflect upon the amazing talents at his disposal, he thought the game of cricket had seen it all and yet there is just so much untapped potential.

He can take comfort in knowing the future of cricket is in safe hands.

Shane Warne And The Indian Love Affairs

There is just something about Shane Warne and India. The man seems to cause more of a stir there than even his own turf and the latest of the famous blondie's debacle caps off a long series of unfortunate events. Lets take a trip down memory lane and rediscover some of the joys he has gone through.

The Baked Beans Affair of 1998
Warne may be an Indian household figure now, probably chugging down the butter naan and tikka masala with aplomb, but back track many years ago and he couldn't eat a thing over there. Obviously a big crisis, Warne had fast tracked spaghetti and baked beans to be shipped over there, his famous quote was "I am really craving for some canned spaghetti on toast". How dare those other wet blankets complain of petty issues like home sickness.

The Tendulkar Affair of 1998
This series was famous for Tendulkar and friends walloping the Australians around like it was all a big joke. Warne had developed a good reputation as a bowler by then, but India is the one place he never came close to conquering. The little master smacked him around in the brutal manner only seen by the little one back in those glory days. Warne in his career (as a bowler) was rarely made to look silly, here he was.

"You should have imported spinach instead" © AFP

The Bookies Affair of 1998
Well what a great year this was, three in a row! Warne this time got snapped with fellow pretty boy Mark Waugh for dealing illegally with bookies. He divulged weather and strategy information and was later fined. In terms of cricketing corruption this was probably his only black mark.

The Eden Gardens Affair of 2001
No controversies here, but a serious plundering. There is no need to recap the famous miracle victory over the Australians which included the Laxman 281. But lets pay attention to Warne's nightmarish experiences. 34 overs, 1 wicket for a monstrous 152 runs at 4.47 runs an over. Embarrassingly bad, the highlights reel show Laxman and Dravid toying as if it was not the Golden Boy, but Goldilocks bowling.

The Ganguly Affair of 2008
Ah, one always savors a clash between two cocky and colorful characters of the game. The IPL was a successful time for Warne then, but not so during this incident. Unhappy with Ganguly not walking after a claimed catch, he went on to say "... Sourav asked the Indian umpire to go to the TV replay. That's not in the spirit of the game so I was very, very disappointed with Sourav." I find this pretty hilarious coming from Warne, who over the years loves to milk umpires and has had his fair share of stealing dodgy LBW and caught decisions.

The Beer Affair of 2009
A light incident, completely avoidable if not for Warne's impressive ability to attract bad situations. Rather than turn away a spectators beer on the boundary rope, Warne decided to take a sip, in a world where nothing escapes the merciless eye of the camera. No excuses here, we all know the IPL was a big party, but the man could have at least played along with the gag and pretended to take it seriously, like the rest of the paycheck collectors.

The Hurley Affair of 2011
Look Shane, this is India. This is a land where strutting and dancing with the cheerleaders while attempting to look/dress like one is perfectly acceptable. We can thank 'modern' Bollywood for this, "Hey the NRI guys and Saif do it, so it must be totally cooool doood ya"? Thou shalt club, thou shalt drink, thou shalt strip down. But kissing your girlfriend in public! Utter disgrace! Learn the rules Mr Warne.

The Pitch Affair of 2011
And finally we have the inspiration of this article. To be honest this time I back Warne, apparently he wanted a spin friendly pitch (like blood from a stone), and he got duly laughed off by the dictator curator. A furious Warne vented, and copped a $50,000 USD fine for it. A completely ridiculous punishment of course, but surely by now Mr. Warne has learned to avoid being a show pony. Whats next, a Bollywood contract?

The Bollywood Affair of ???
http://www.dawn.com/2011/05/23/shane-warne-considering-bollywood-offers.html
Oh for goodness sake.

The love triangle cast is already secure. © AFP

World Cup 2011 - The Blue Era Begins

And so after three consecutive world cups, and over ten years of uncontested dominance, we have a new team crowned winners. I have made it no secret that I am no fan of this Indian team, but its time for a quiet admission on my part through clenched teeth. India deserve to be crowned champions. 

It also invited bad puns. © Associated Press

India had their usual misfields, but Sri Lanka had more. India had poor backup bowlers, but Sri Lanka's were worse. The first innings was a scramble around the brilliant Jayawardene. The run chase, barring the first few overs, was precise, restrained and quality batting. One can harp on about dropped catches, injuries and leaving Mendis out (some even dare to say that Sangakkara cheated at the toss), but it came down to a very simple fact, the better team won.


Are They The Best In The World?
Yes, despite their flaws. While they were sloppy throughout, you cannot argue with results, their only loss was narrowly to South Africa. The ease in which they got over the final, with who was without doubt the number two team really highlights this. As much as I hunted for excuses for the Sri Lankan's losing, there were none.

It of course helped that this all took place on dead home pitches, and they probably will struggle more outside of the subcontinent. But that is no reason to begrudge them, every series or world cup is held at some venue, and a home side will have an advantage. Its part of the game.


Are They Better Than The Australian Empire?
Absolutely not. Not even close actually. The Australians were magnificent, they would field eleven top class players with no apparent weakness in any department. Think six Tendulkars, three Zaheers, a Sangakkara and a Murali, who all field like Raina and Dilshan. Scary wasn't it. They could have fielded a second eleven and beat most world teams, such was their depth.

India and Sri Lanka emerged on top because the Aussie fortress collapsed (well, retired), not the other way around. I honestly believe that the Indian team of 2003 is equal, if not stronger than this one, and we all saw what happened to them.

Ouch. © Neil Lane

There is a long way to go before any team is as good as these guys were.

Why We Thank India's Victory
They bring in the numbers, of that there is no doubt. They were excellent hosts of this tournament, and the event was a big success. With the Indians backing it up, at least we can be rest assured that the fifty over game is in safe hands. They didn't "IPL" the game thankfully and left it in its own, mostly original and glorious form.

India is also one to embrace other teams I feel. Out of sheer numbers, smaller teams such as Ireland will get their supporters, particularly with a few of them featuring in the IPL already, along their first Dutch player to join them this year. All cricket lovers cannot deny that a strong Indian fan base and their passion is great for the sport.

Why We Regret India's Victory
The overindulgence has already begun. The amount of money that gets poured into the game is truly astounding, with each player receiving a 1 crore bonus ($200,000 USD roughly). It doesn't sound like much, but 1 crore in India is more than what the average man will ever see in his lifetime. Worse still given that half the team were average, if not poor throughout the tournament. They simply do not know when to stop, especially with money. The BCCI are already powerful, with having more control over cricket than the ICC itself, this victory means more power.

Too much power is never good.

The hero worship is almost laughingly bad, with patriotic film songs booming throughout the game as if India was welcoming a victorious army on independence day. All that was left really was Aamir Khan to jump out onto the pitch and win the match Lagaan style with "Mere Desh Ki Dharti" running in the background (to the non-Indian readers, something like Queen's "We Are The Champions").

And you need to be in, or have been to India to see just how far the endorsements go, with cricket players all over clothing labels, Pepsi ads, hair gel, even this monstrosity from Nike:

Get used to it folks, cricket will indeed bleed blue for the coming years.

World Cup 2011 - The Dream Semi-Final Preview

With the quarter finals dusted, for a fleeting moment, all other things in cricket will be insignificant. History won't matter, the other teams won't matter, the looming grand finale won't matter. Nothing matters but this moment, the two biggest rivals in international cricket, the biggest of all grudge matches, the one that promises to be the greatest semi final clash of all time. That moment, bearing down upon us, is India vs Pakistan.

Who will be left standing? © AFP 

The Last Meeting
They last met nearly a year ago in Sri Lanka in an Asia Cup match, with Harbhajan smashing a six off the penultimate delivery to clinch a tight thriller. The second last encounter was half a year before that, with Pakistan throwing India out of the Champions Trophy thanks to a Shoaib Malik century. Curiously neither Malik or India's best batsman on the day, Rahul Dravid, are in this world cup. These two have not been playing frequently, and like caged panthers are eager to get at each other.


The Last World Cup Meeting
Believe it or it, it was eight years ago when Sachin Tendulkar tore apart an attack that read Wasim, Waqar, Shoaib, Razzaq and Afridi. That game too was after a massive gap between the teams, and it was one of the most memorable world cup thrashings anyone can remember. India went on to race to the final while a strong Pakistan outfit were sent crashing home.


The Last World Cup Meeting In India
Track back to 1996, in another spectacular match in Bangalore. India for once played as a team (did somebody say corruption?), and set Pakistan a decent total. Aamir Sohail and Saeed Anwar began carving the Indian bowling in such a brutal manner that the Chinnaswamy was rendered laughingly mute. Until this happened.

The mother of all brain explosions, and the rest as they say is history (of course, until this happened not long after).


Where Does India Stand?
India continue to deceive. Sachin Tendulkar has been saving their batting from blushes, with the likes of Sehwag and Gambhir relying on the slog-out-of-trouble, and the lower order in pure unadulterated IPL mode, barring the steady Yuvraj Singh. Zaheer meanwhile is rescuing their bowling, disguising how woefully inept Munaf, Harbhajan and most of their fielding is. Don't let the Indian commentators fool you, this is a team running on three players. Much of India's success came down to opposition failures.

Where Does Pakistan Stand?
I never thought I would call this side balanced, but they are bowling beautifully, with a varied and classy bowling attack. Notice how they actually turn the ball (take note Sanjay Manjrekar, and stop kidding yourself with Bhajji). They field adequately, but only an inch ahead of India, and the batting has been just enough, albeit nothing impressive. One must never forget though that this is a team containing Afridi, Razzaq and Umar Akmal, if even one of them has a good day, India do not have the bowlers to do anything about it. Afridi to open maybe?

The Clashes
Forget Sam Worthington, in the battlefield of cricket we have the following titanic match ups to savour:

Gul vs Tendulkar/Sehwag
How will India's big guns at the top respond to controlled and quality pace bowling? If Shoaib gets a crack at them too, it will be a great opening gambit.


Afridi vs Yuvraj, and Yuvraj vs Afridi
A unique contest, the bowler who pretends to bat versus the batsman who pretends to bowl. Who is the bigger pretender? We also have the Bollywood Superstar (BS) Award, with Afridi the hot favorite.


Kamran Akmal vs His Hands
What a crucial battle this is! Will Kamran's hands be made of cast iron? Will he rattle up the local heroes with his sharp tongue? Will we see 'The Face'?

© Getty Images

Razzaq vs Everyone
And in the background, quietly minding his own business, the Silent Assassin looms. The stage is certainly ripe for the ninja to strike.


Who Will Win?
Forget the form books. Given that this is an India-Pakistan match, each of the players will find an extra 10% from somewhere. It will be unpredictable, it will be intense, it will be turbo charged. The Pakistani PM will be there, along with the token slew of Bollywood actors, some on the field. I don't know who will win, and to be honest, does it even matter?












Forgetting Something?
Fine fine, Sri Lanka to beat New Zealand in a 2007 semi final rematch.

World Cup 2011 - Indian Cricket Steyned

It was a boisterous and packed out Vidarbha Stadium, Nagpur. The Sehwag and Tendulkar train had taken off and the bollywood star-studded crowd created a cyclonic storm of noise and support. The obviously thrilled Indian commentators spoke of a 400 plus score, and things looked as bleak as ever for South Africa, in theory anyway.

Ah but then...
I can recall explicitly saying this game plan can fall apart with good bowling. I'm not always right, but I love it when I am. The axe finally came crashing down, at 267-1 in the 40th over, the most spectacularly mindless batting performance unfolded. They lost nine wickets for 29 runs. The first team in the world cup to truly meet the wrath of Dale Steyn.

2-267 (Tendulkar, 39.4 ov), 3-268 (Gambhir, 40.1 ov), 4-268 (Pathan, 40.3 ov),5-283 (Yuvraj Singh, 42.6 ov), 
6-286 (Kohli, 43.6 ov), 7-293 (Harbhajan Singh, 46.5 ov), 8-294 (Khan, 47.4 ov),
9-296 (Nehra, 48.3 ov), 10-296 (Patel, 48.4 ov)

And these numbers don't even tell the full story. Six of those were poor slogs straight to fielders, four came in the atrocity known as the batting powerplay, and during that period there was only solitary six, no other boundaries. The crowd was reduced to making Akmal faces in funeral silence.

Pictured: One seriously sick worm © Cricinfo.com

Now I am not a cynic, I don't want the Indians to crash and burn just for the heck of it, and I do feel sympathetic for Tendulkar. If they learn from their mistakes and become a better team for it, then I will rightfully praise them. Here is my advice to the team.

1. Ones And Twos
Especially at the death, you cannot 'Ross Taylor' every innings. When things are not going right, don't try and smash your way out of it, find the gaps and look for twos, they really do add up. India jogs the first run, therefore never capitalize on misfields. Michael Hussey and Michael Clarke are two prime examples of how it should be done, the odd boundary plus excellent running fetches eight an over without that same risk.


2. Stop Acting
Enough with the dancing in the dressing rooms, the exaggerated dives when taking simple catches, the noses-up walking with style. And don't even get me started on the body painting. Why not get the results first, and act 'cool' later. Unlike Bollywood, the lines are not rehearsed and there are no out-takes. If you mess up, you look like a clown, plain and simple.

Bollywood Brokeback? © Getty Images

3. Stop Trying To Be Australia

Especially with the tough guy stares, the sledges and the big talk. Australia back up their tenacity with the utmost skill, a culture developed over years of hard work. Last night especially I saw a few profanities being mouthed off. Its very easy to lose respect. At least New Zealand, when at times lacking anything else, get credit for playing with humility. The Australian attitude is not the aspiration, try the 70's West Indies instead.


4. Enough Worship And Bias
This is one is aimed at the spectators and the commentators.

• Sachin is not god.
• Munaf Patel is not McGrath (!).
• How many times can you say "outstanding shot" or "incredible batting" to a hoick over the infield?
• Seems every member of the top seven is "dangerous", "a class player" and a "big wicket".
• Rather than say "holed out to mid on", maybe give credit to the excellent Steyn slower ball bowled at Gambhir's body.
• You conveniently ignore the bad Indian fielding, full tosses or glory slogs, and sound depressed when it does happen.

Did I just say biased commentary, sounds very Australian! (The exception is Ravi Shastri). Without doubt the best commentators in world cricket are the English, bring on Bumble, not these bumblers.