The Truth About South Africa and New Zealand

When an insect beats up a smaller insect, it doesn't stop it from being an insect. This is the unfortunate reality of New Zealand cricket, who were as bouncy and boisterous as ever after a historic victory over Australia and a mauling of the out-of-depth Zimbabweans.

And then came the big boys. These South Africans are not just one level higher but somewhere like two or three. How many teams are there that can leave out players like Graeme Smith and the great Jacques Kallis and not even feel the pinch? How many teams can unearth a guy who produced a record T20 innings, and then send him back on the next flight home? How many teams can boast a more complete pace battery than Philander, Steyn and Morkel?

The answer is certainly not New Zealand, who have been outclassed in a manner that is bordering on depressing. A cleverly formatted 3-3-3 series reads 2-3-1 in favour of South Africa, with New Zealand managing a single T20 victory and rain accounting for both test match draws. The lack of intent in the third test epitomized the tour, it was left up to a 21 year old kid to rescue them and a draw was celebrated like a victory. With less than a day to survive the so called big guns played it out like fish in a barrel not even bothering to flop.

© AFP

The reversal was almost cruel, after bashing about the Zimbabweans, New Zealand became South Africa's Zimbabwe. The bowling attack consists entirely of journeymen itching to have a real strike bowler in their midst. McCullum and Taylor are ODI players in disguise while Martin Guptill is a poor man's Ian Bell, feasting himself on anything mediocre but grinding to a dead halt against true quality.

But how do you console a team who cannot even blame under-performance? Because the truth is that this is the best they have got. New Zealand more or less played to their peaks and finished up so far short that the visitors treated the tour like net practice after a Sunday roast.

Not so funny when its your turn is it? © AFP

South Africa will leave our shores after giving us Kiwis a firm examination of where and who we are, while they get ready for real opponents in England. We on the other hand can only weep quietly, rejoice over a false dawn with the last drawn match, or dig up old tapes of Richard Hadlee highlights to remember better times.


Related Reading:
The tragic story of Vettori
A history of New Zealand's woes against Australia

Thank You Zimbabwe, For Helping Save Test Cricket

Everybody likes an underdog. The David vs Goliath battle inherits a unique charm about it, and with all the long years of turmoil and suffering that Zimbabwean cricket has been going through, it seems the corner has been finally turned. New heroes are emerging, and none more so than Brendan Taylor, who at still only 25 years of age has a long and prosperous haul ahead of him. Sample this for a Bradman-esque series:

• Two T20s - 50* & 1 (the only failure)
• Three ODIs - 128*, 107* & 75
• Only Test Match - 50 & 117

Yes it was against New Zealand, a truly toothless bowling unit. However he is fast becoming a talisman for Zimbabwe, the next generation Heath Streak, and good luck to him as well.

However the key point of this post is not a tribute to Taylor, it is a tribute to the Zimbabwean attitude on the fifth day. On day five the target was 366 runs, sitting at 61/2 overnight. The conservative or dare I say sensible approach would have been to enter Dravid mode and bat out the day seeking an honorable draw. We saw some insipid behavior from the (at the time) world champions India in the West Indies this year, when they refused to pursue a simple run chase in the name of 'safety'. That match flopped and died.

But on this day, there was none of that fluff, the heart of Test cricket was re-invigorated, injected with an air of enthusiasm and unabashed optimism. Zimbabwe went for it, and in fact wrestled the upper hand at one stage. New Zealand were nervous as Taylor went about carving the attack, letting everyone know that they will not lie down, and that the only possible results were a famous victory or a heroic loss. With the able help of Tatenda Taibu, they were within 100 runs of touching distance.

Looks like we'll have to skip that early shower. © AFP

New Zealand had to squeeze every ounce of bowling ability they had to stop them. The result was a loss by a nerve racking 34 runs on paper, and a series lost 1:0. But the true result was much more than that. It was a sign that some teams are willing to play for the win and give us spectators what we deserve. It was a revival of the cricket format that faces intense scrutiny for being the dullest form of all. 

It was proof that the number ten cricketing nation is finally making a comeback.

World Cup 2011 - Goodbye Minnow Nations... And Thanks

With the pool play all wrapped up, its time to say goodbye to the younger associate nations. As usual the ICC, the so called experts, and the other bandwagon boys ensured plenty of negative vibe was force fed to us, particularly ironic coming from New Zealand media who have a team that took 26 years to win its first test match.

Yes there were mismatches, probably a few too many, but when the little teams did get it together, we saw a lot of flair, color and team spirit, which is what world cups should be all about. The fielding standards in particular were excellent and outdid the Indians easily. Lets be positive, look at the glass as being half full, and give thanks:

The Irish
Their energy and enthusiasm, in all aspects of the game, is what really stood out. Yes it took a Kevin O'Brien miracle and some shoddy bowling to aid them, but they troubled most of the big nations with composed batting, tight bowling (if not penetrative) and always excellent fielding. They only need that 10% extra out of the team to put away the bigger nations more consistently, but you feel that is just around the corner. They desperately deserve to get more exposure to the top level.
Pride Factor: 5/5

Look out world, here they come. ©ESPNCrcinfo Ltd 

Ryan ten Doeschate (and the other Dutchmen)
Got us all excited with that blistering century to scare England. That was a great match, and a couple more players like him and the ODI upsets will not be far away. It all turns pretty ugly when he doesn't fire though, especially lacking a lot in the bowling department. There is a strong case to move him up the order, as he was wasted a couple of times when stranded with the tail. Definitely a stronger side than previous world cup showings.
Pride Factor: 2/5

Ray Price and The Spin Gang (Zimbabwe)
It was great to see them chatting up the opposition batsman and tying them up with quality nagging spin. Not many attacks can say they kept the Aussies quiet, so well done there. Again the fielding was top notch with the freakish Mpofu run-out of Ponting being the stand out. Too bad the batting didn't measure up, with the likes of Taibu underachieving, Taylor getting no support, and Sean Ervine not turning up, literally.
Pride Factor: 3/5

Bagai And Other Bits (Canada)
They seem like a team of misfits from all over the world, but it works. Ashish Bagai strikes me as a leader with genuine ability and a professional attitude. His classy and fluid innings against New Zealand really showcased what he can do when he is set. The portly Balaji Rao impressed me with his wicket taking ability and enthusiasm, and who can forget that onslaught from Hiral Patel, against Tait, Lee and Johnson no less. Still they are missing any threat with their bowling, and it was disappointing to see Rizwan Cheema not live up to his reputation.
Pride Factor: 2/5

Poor Kenya
It was unfortunate that they only got it all together in one match, but at least the Kenyans can take heart that it was against Australia. Leg spinner turned #3 Collins Obuya was the only guy to walk away with his reputation intact, and it was especially sad not to see Steve Tikolo get that swan-song that he deserves. This was a world cup to forget, you know there is a problem when Hamish Bennett is ripping through the order Ambrose style.
Pride Factor: 1.5/5

.... Last and Least
Bangladesh should hold their heads in shame. Yes they nearly qualified, but 58 all out and 78 all out is just inexcusable. Beating a woeful-on-the-day English team is not enough. Maybe they were just fooling us before and haven't learnt from the same old mistakes? Either way, the wait continues for the much needed ninth top tier cricketing nation. Right now they might as well field eleven Ashrafuls.
Pride Factor: 1/5


The Bottom Line
These nations showed us that they have enough talent and ability to develop and grow. But it is imperative that the ICC does not undo all this work and ignore them again for four years (and even then they want to cut up the number of teams in the next world cup event). I'm not saying send the Dutch to Australia, i'm saying hold more matches between these six teams, and perhaps involve the lower top eight teams such as the West Indies and New Zealand.

Give us a chance! ©AFP

Of course this is wishful thinking, I have learned to not expect intelligence from the ICC.

World Cup 2011 - The Angry Punter

What on earth has happened to you Ricky Ponting!

A few years ago you were an unlikeable but admittedly top quality #3 who grinned away as your merry men cleaned up all the opponents and silverware. You marched on confident, cocksure, and usually cool headed barring the time you gave Duncan Fletcher an earful for abusing the substitute fielders rule (to be fair you had a point, and England still do it).

But how thats all changed. Losing pretty much your entire winning team exposed Michael Clarke, the 'future of Australian cricket' for what he really is, and it meant that you only had the irreplaceable Mike Hussey to help you out. The Ashes are gone, the Indians claim to be number one, the South Africans are no longer scared of you, it all went horribly wrong didn't it?

Come the 2011 World Cup, you returned from injury looking grizzled, beaten and demoralized. And above all, angry, with a real bee in your bonnet. Not that classic Steve Waugh kind which translates into runs, oh no, this is the frustrated, throwing-toys-out-of-your-pram anger. Your innings so far have been listless, often getting dismissed to poor shots, even when the match is in the bag. But lets see what really stood out:

The Mpofu Run-Out
Smashing up an LCD TV because you were run-out is probably not that new or surprising, given the Australian history of smashing stuff up in the name of 'venting'. Ian Chappell made me laugh hysterically when he asked people to get off your back, as if vandalizing public property is as right as rain. What truly amazed me was the fact that it was a brilliant throw that caused it. There was no mix up, no hesitation, you ran hard and went for a second, and you lost out.

What on earth are you venting for Mr. Ponting? Cursing a brilliant piece of cricket? Well gee, running with that  attitude would leave a fair few bashed up dressing rooms at the hands of your boys over the years wouldn't it now? For every McGrath edge? Every Warne LBW? Every one of your direct hits? Both you and Mr. Chappell need to grow up.

Stop playing QUALITY CRICKET! © dawn.com

The Steven Smith Spat
This was even more strange. It was a near collision with a team mate for a catch, happens a lot really. Usually players collide, dust themselves off and have a bit of a yarn about it. I've never seen somebody hurl the ball into the ground in blind fury and blast their own team mate! Again, justify the anger. You're angry because your fielder was hungry for the ball and looking for the catch? You're angry at a little extra commitment? He is a young man in your team, a fine role model you are.

How dare you attempt my catch. © adelaidenow.com.au

Keep throwing the fits Punter, give me a few free laughs before you and your boys head back home without a World Cup.

Five Ridiculous World Cup Collapses

With the 2011 World Cup counting down, one could not help but look back at some of the highlights of previous editions. There were great run chases, innings, freak dismissals. But what really stood out for me were some spectacular batting collapses that took place.

Pictured: Collapse

Here are the top five:

5. Sri Lanka vs New Zealand, Semi Final 2007

http://www.espncricinfo.com/wc2007/engine/match/247505.html

A strangely gung-ho New Zealand outfit got to the semi finals in 2007 claiming that they knew how to beat Australia, and that the World Cup was theirs to lose. Jayawardene's breezy century took the real cup contenders to 289. The Black Caps were going along nice and healthy at 2-105 in the 22nd over, with the West Indies specialist Scott Styris looking in prime form.

But then... Styris mistimed one off Dilshan, and the rot began. In the space of four overs the game was over as the spinners helped themselves to batting that belonged in the nets. Once an angry Vettori departed, Sri Lanka romped home, proving that they were the *only* team who were even remotely close to Australia in that world cup. 

3-105 (Styris, 21.5 ov),  4-114 (Oram, 23.5 ov), 5-114 (McCullum, 23.6 ov), 

6-115 (Fulton, 24.3 ov), 7-116 (Vettori, 25.4 ov)

4. India vs Zimbabwe, Pool Match 1983
http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/65083.html
These were the days of 60 over matches, and India went into this match expecting to walk all over a largely unknown and harmless Zimbabwe unit. The team boasted big names like Sunil Gavaskar, Kris Srikkanth and Kapil Dev, too much for the minnows on paper.

But then... Well thank goodness for the latter of that trio. Dev smashed a brilliant 175, one of the greatest one day innings in history, to raise them from oblivion. India were 5-17 at one stage, and later 7-78, and probably utterly shell-shocked. Two thirds of the eventual score of 266 belonged to Dev alone, and when chasing Zimbabwe managed a commendable 235. What a top order collapse that was.

1-0 (Gavaskar), 2-6 (Srikkanth), 3-6 (Amarnath), 4-9 (Patil), 5-17 (Yashpal Sharma),
6-77 (Binny),7-78 (Shastri), 8-140 (Madan Lal)


3. Sri Lanka vs India, Semi Final 1996
http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/65190.html
This was probably inevitable, after India inexplicably choosing to bat second on a pitch expected to crumble (see: corruption). Sachin Tendulkar, as he so often did in those days, led the one man crusade chasing a difficult 251. At 1-98 with Sachin on 65, it was an even game.

But then... Sachin was stumped down the leg side, and the madness began. A period of frantic, and laughably idiotic batting (including a run out for good measure) led the capacity (and very angry) Eden Gardens crowd to riots. The clueless shots matched the expressions of the batsmen, and the match was embarrassingly called off to leave Vinod Kambli (and the nation) weeping like a child.

2-98 (Tendulkar), 3-99 (Azharuddin), 4-101 (Manjrekar), 5-110 (Srinath), 
6-115 (Jadeja), 7-120 (Mongia), 8-120 (Kapoor)

Some chose not to weep. © EPSN Cricinfo Ltd

2. West Indies vs Australia, Semi Final 1996
http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/65191.html
And if that wasn't bad enough, try this. After a flaky campaign so far (including losing to Kenya), Ambrose and Bishop helped ruin the Australian top order, and the target of 207 was being easily negotiated by Chanderpaul and Richie Richardson. At 165-2 with plenty of time, it was as good as done.

But then... One of the earliest, and most ridiculous Calypso Collapso's began. The batting imploded in a manner that resembled lemmings and a cliff. It was as if Warne was bowling grenades, and the batsmen were batting with toothpicks. It was utter chaos and one can't decide whether to laugh or cry. Poor Richie Richardson was left stranded on 49, and probably needing to see a shrink.

3-165 (Chanderpaul), 4-173 (Harper), 5-178 (Gibson), 6-183 (Adams), 7-187 (Arthurton),
8-194 (Bishop), 9-202 (Ambrose), 10-202 (Walsh)

Winning is overrated anyway. © Getty Images

1. India vs West Indies, Final 1983

http://www.espncricinfo.com/ci/engine/match/65090.html

Business as usual. Having already won the first two world cups, the (then mighty) West Indies were set a meagre 183 by a struggling Indian outfit. With Viv Richards operating in Viv Richards mode, it seemed like a formality as he raced to 33 off 27 balls with seven boundaries (remember we are talking 1983 here).

But then... as if out of nowhere, the Indian seamers turned the match. After losing Richards, each of the following batsmen were confused whether to play shots or occupy the crease. Most of them managed neither, and this became one of the great underdog stories of cricket. Was it stage fright? Who knows, but from this match onwards, the West Indies never quite looked the same.

2-50 (Haynes), 3-57 (Richards), 4-66 (Gomes), 5-66 (Lloyd), 6-76 (Bacchus),

7-119 (Dujon),8-124 (Marshall), 9-126 (Roberts), 10-140 (Holding)

Looking more like this instead. © ESPN Cricinfo Ltd