The Ishant Sharma Conundrum

Oddly enough Ishant Sharma has been making headlines since 2007 (eight years ago!), most famously for getting in the faces of opposition.

What justifies running your mouth in the gentlemen's game?
The answer is actually brutally simple, the Australian's do it. If there ever was a template to winning a game of cricket, "do what the Aussies do" sits right up there and it seems like the new age India has taken this on board perhaps a little too seriously. We have Kohli throwing f-bombs, Gambhir shoulder charging men twice his size, Dhawan doing mock limps in the outfield to belittle an injured batsman.

And we have Ishant. 

©AFP

Let's get one thing straight... this guy is a *terrible* bowler. 

Unlike the other aforementioned examples of cocky young Indians, this is one of the worst players operating in the game today. A reliable gauge for a good bowler is the bowling average, anywhere around 30 can be considered good while below 25 is top drawer. Ishant averages 36.5, poor by anyone's standard.

For some odd reason however, he truly believes he is in the Brett Lee and Dale Steyn school of fast bowling, and so he finds himself constantly getting fined for launching into verbal tirades which are usually completely uncalled for.  The critical difference is that yelling at a batsman when you're bowling figures are 1-100 is far less effective compared to say 1-23 (if Steyn's average is an example to go by).

So why does India persist with him?

Politics? But let's ignore favoritism for a moment because that's nothing but hearsay.

An answer is potential.  In a desperate search for quality Indian fast bowlers this young lad sprung out of nowhere and flung down deliveries both accurate and quick, using his tall frame to generate hostile bounce which had even Ricky Ponting hopping around.  It was almost old school West Indian like, it was raw and it was exciting. All the tools were there to become the next spearhead.

Unfortunately he faded away faster than a black pillow-case left in the sun, all that bustle and noise devolving into harmless Agarkar level fodder.  There are odd glimpses, such as the current hostile spells which helped India win this series in Sri Lanka (who are about to have a rough few years), but the glimpses are fleeting as illustrated by his stats.

An equivalent of the long lost Mohammad Sami.

India hasn't had an answer since Kapil Dev, with only Javagal Srinath and the underrated Zaheer Khan offering years of good service but never quite scaling the heights they were capable of.  Ishant is *capable* of plenty, but how much longer can you pick someone based on occasional rose tinted memories?

I'd sympathize more, if he'd just shut up and bowl.

The tough guy act fools nobody, sorry you're not intimidating until you have earned your stripes. 

Your spells were impressive this time, good. How about half a dozen more?

Why Does India try to Sledge?

A week ago my call was 0-4 for India, and at 0-2 the whitewash is on!

Credit where it is due, India have competed quite well at times and in fact inexplicably threw away the Adelaide test which they should have at least drawn. How was that for a brain explosion, it was almost West Indies like. Nonetheless I have been impressed by Murali Vijay and Kohli, and expected worse.

Along came Brisbane, a place where Australia never loses and once again they didn't disappoint. But some hilarity stuck out, in particular India and their new found love for sledging.

Sledging is a cricket exclusive term, or as Steve Waugh termed it... "Mental Disintegration". The Aussies of old used it beautifully to defeat the opposition with mind games and end contests before they even started. Just ask any England team pre-2005 or Daryll Cullinan.

But it is important to realize the most important ingredient the Aussies had, the batting and bowling riches to make it work. The wonderful oxymoron Glenn McGrath is the best example, hurling expletives in the opposition's faces and yet delivering the same dour ball at the same generous pace patiently waiting for the batsman to crack.

Which brings us to India who it seems have adopted the same tactic, hey it worked for them why won't it work for us? This problem is, they are hopeless at it.

So what happened in Brisbane?

• Ishant Sharma, after being utterly thumped all day throws a few f-bombs when removing Steve Smith.  Note that Smith was yet to be dismissed in the series so far and was on 133. Note also that this is one of the most useless bowlers in the game today and it wasn't even a good delivery.
• Rohit Sharma and Superstar Virat greet Mitchell Johnson to the batting crease with some foul mouthing off, followed by some "bouncers" and "fast bowling" of the Indian variety. He proceeds to belt them for 13 fours and a six and then shows them how it's done with the ball including both Kohli (1 run) and Rohit (0 runs).

"Economy rate less than 5, in your face!"

Ladies and gentlemen, this is *not* how it's done.

Add to that whinging more about umpiring (but DRS won't solve anything of course!), Kohli not having enough time to pad up, the practice wickets not being up to standard and apparently the food was no good either. Moan moan moan. 

The real mystery is why India decided to adopt the brilliant idea of annoying the Australians into hammering them. 

In the 90s - Indian teams would show up, get disintegrated, go home and await the return series for revenge. It was horrible, but at least we lost with dignity.

In the 00s - Sourav Ganguly taught the boys to stand up for themselves and push back when pushed. But these guys didn't go around picking fights, the likes of Dravid, Tendulkar, Kumble and Laxman continued to play with dignity and class. It wasn't sledging, it was simply refusing to be bullied and we saw some of the best and most competitive India-Australia cricket. 

In the 10s - We have Gambhir shoulder charging Shane Watson, whose shoulders are bigger than Gambhir himself. We have Raina and Dhawan flopping around on the field mocking an injured batsman. We have two-bit bowlers like Varun Aaron giving send offs to David Warner. Sir Jadeja, Kohli and the Sharmas are always willing to throw in their unwanted two cents, while Dhoni tells us it provides entertainment for the crowd. 

The Indian cricket team that I grew up with was all about humility and grace, they had adopted a more English approach of cricket being a gentleman's game. Now they have taken on the Australian model of turning cricket into psychological warfare, only without any actual weapons. It is all noise and hot air at the moment.

So this is the message to Team India... sledging while winning makes you Australia, sledging while losing makes you idiots.

World Cup 2011 - One Empire Falls, Others Stay Down

We said our goodbyes to the minnows, now it is time to watch the big names in cricket to depart from world cup 2011, to face their media at home and heal the scars over the next four years. The teams that left us however were no small fries, these were four of the biggest nations of the game.

West Indies
What can anyone say about these guys. They did a Bangladesh on us for a little while, flattering to deceive, convincing us that after throwing away winning positions against England and India, that they at least had the mettle for a fight.

Lies, all lies.

We have seen it for ten years. The fun, futile Gayle bash, the classic Chanderpaul grind, and the others blown away like the first two little pigs. Dumping players does not replace lack of mental strength, I see no answer. This once proud cricketing nation will continue fumbling about in its own ruins.

Australia
This is the end of the Aussies, the final nail in the coffin. Having already lost the prized ashes both home and away, they never looked like retaining crickets holy grail for a fourth time. Savour this moment:

© Associated Press

It is symbolic in many ways, the wounded Australian, fighting tooth and nail to only come up short. We hadn't seen this in the Australian empire that lasted nearly fifteen years, Australian sides almost never came up short. Ponting played his ugliest, most determined hundred of his career, the others around him simply lacked the skill to cope. One might even feel sympathetic, if they were not so brash and abrasive when on top.

Rather than the grinning, leaping Australians, we have crunched eyebrows and chin scratching amidst Salman Khan impersonations behind them. The powers have shifted from the arrogant empire to the Bollywood empire.

South Africa
I did warn South Africa, but even I was surprised at the clockwork. The key ingredients were a freak Amla dismissal (sheer dumb luck), some outstanding fielding and a de Villiers run out worthy of mention among the Klusener of 99. From that point on it was just a matter of bowling tight, holding catches, and watching South Africa machine disintegrate in its own madness.

 A pinch of salt for your wound? © Associated Press

Sledging is fun to watch, but I don't agree one bit about this war of words from New Zealand. For a team renowned for its sportmanship, often only that, this is just getting a bit silly. There is no need to slide back into the Adam Parore days, in which the Black Caps were essentially Australia in disguise, minus the wins. These two teams have a history of getting on each others nerves, probably starting out when Fleming really getting under the skin of a young Graeme Smith. Maybe that had something to do with it?

But that's hardly the point here. The point is that South Africa have never won a world cup playoff match. Ever. Since their return to cricket in the early 90's, there has been no such thing as a weak South African team. They are rightfully gobsmacked, as we all are, how can they simply fail to win, every single time? This is the empire which has done nothing but underachieved.


England
Will make like the English football team and bemoan their injury list as their token excuse for 2011, but there are no excuses. They never had the strength, mentally or skillfully, to win this world cup. The way Strauss in particular heaved and ho'd like the drunken master really illustrated where they are at right now.

Heading in this direction.

Losing by ten wickets, especially with a 200+ score, is inexcusable really. This is the nation that gave birth to this game, their ODI status has remained constant for many a year. They will always remain a collection of top county cricketers and overseas players rather than anything resembling a team.