India vs West Indies 3rd Test - The Script

On the eve of Day 5 in the Mumbai test match, it seems the match is going nowhere but a draw. Luckily for us, the West Indian think tank had other ideas...


Ottis Gibson: Okay boys time to execute Plan C, we engineer a Callypso Collapso on purpose and bowl out the shocked Indians.
Darren Sammy: Wait a minute... we had a plan to begin with?
Shiv Chanderpaul: Coach, not such a hot idea with all the spot fixing allegations going on.
Ottis Gibson: We are the West Indies cricket team, minus you.
Shiv Chanderpaul: ... point taken.
Graeme Smith: Worked for us!
Michael Clarke: Yeah yeah...

And so play began...

Dhoni: Sakshi? Ya its me, get the pakoras ready I'm coming home early.

But the West Indies innings swiftly ended...

© AFP

Darren Sammy: I think that was too obvious, even for us.
Cricinfo: Memories of Dominica! And we won't stop reminding you.
Virender Sehwag: Relax guys I got this.
Cricinfo: <Sehwag cliché load complete> Sehwag leads India to frenetic start!
Virender Sehwag: Fifty already? I'm bored.
Cricinfo: V Sehwag c Sammy b Bishoo 60 (87m 65b 8x4 0x6) SR: 92.30
Sachin: Target not big enough for a century.
Cricinfo: SR Tendulkar c KA Edwards b Samuels 3 (6m 7b 0x4 0x6) SR: 42.85
Dhoni: Rahul, we better force a result this time so don't pull any of your stunts.
Cricinfo: R Dravid c sub (D Ramdin) b Samuels 33 (82m 49b 1x4 0x6) SR: 67.34
Dhoni: You too VVS, we don't want the media to think we depend on you. Lets leave it to The-Future-Of-Indian-Cricket.
Cricinfo: VVS Laxman c Barath b Rampaul 31 (67m 53b 1x4 0x6) SR: 58.49
VVS Laxman: I should have stuck to being a doctor.

The Indian batting order fell away...

Dhoni:  Mmm pakoras.
Cricinfo: MS Dhoni c KA Edwards b Rampaul 13 (45m 37b 1x4 0x6) SR: 35.13
Darren Sammy: I can't believe this is working.
The-Future-Of-Indian-Cricket: Time to show off my patience and maturity, despite my youth.
Cricinfo: Oh he's so patient and mature, despite his youth!
Dhoni: Do you mind moving things along.
The-Future-Of-Indian-Cricket: It's all about the drama boss, haven't you seen Lagaan?
Cricinfo: V Kohli c Sammy b Bishoo 63 (136m 114b 3x4 1x6) SR: 55.26
The-Future-Of-Indian-Cricket: Damn.
Bad Light: I'm staying out of this.

The climax was upon us...

Ashwin: My selection is secure, you can have this one Darren.
Darren Sammy: But your first innings century was full of shots more delicious than pakora! Take it.
Ashwin: Not if we keep blocking!
Darren Sammy: Not if we keep bowling Marlon Samuels!
Aswhin: Not if Ishant and I run ourselves out!
Darren Sammy: Not if we fumble!

Before either side could make up their minds...

Cricinfo: Oh for goodness sake.
Minimum Overs: That's it I've had enough of this.

And so a scores-levelled draw occurred, only the second in history...

The People: Test cricket is alive and well! All they have to do is keep batting like morons.
Sachin: Well at least I'll have the West Indies ODIs to sort out my century of centuries.
Indian Selectors: Ahem.
Cricinfo: Dhoni, Tendulkar rested ahead of Australia tour
Sachin: (sigh)